Testosterone Mom

Christmas 2011 Letter Links

2011-12-23T17:01:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas all. It has been such a long time since I have written. Our Christmas letter is posted and can be read at this link: Below are some links I refer to in the letter.

Drew's first music production, "Fix You" by Cold Play

Drew's Merry Christmas Video
Not sure why this one doesn't pull in the screen.

Dean's Donation Site for Water for Life through Compassion International

Crazy Drummer Boy

2010-02-18T14:05:00.000-08:00

Micah loves to get out all my pots and pans to make a drum set. I had just finished washing and drying all the pots in the sink (all we owned it seemed) when Micah had his brainstorm. So I told him he could take two of mine. So he added his own resourcefulness to complete his trap set. I thought it was especially clever that one of the two things from the cupboard he chose was the steamer that sounds a lot like a symbol.

He starts off slow but oh boy does he get going! He is actually quite good! And hilarious. There are three different videos but each have their own particular flavor. Enjoy the concert.

In this one he warns, "I'm really gonna rock 'n roll."

This one includes his own poetic response to the current economy. "The jobs are gone." I have no idea where he gets this. Perhaps too much Obama commentary around the dinner table? Who knows.

Happy Kansas Day

2010-01-30T08:52:00.000-08:00

Micah learned a new song in preschool to celebrate Kansas Day. The
lyrics are (in case you can't quite hear them):
Oh we're from sunny Kansas, sunny Kansas, sunny Kansas
Oh we're from sunny Kansas, the best state of all
Where is rains some and snows some, it clones some and blows some
Oh we're from sunny Kansas, the best state of all!

He said after we were done recording. "I started singing like a girl, mom."

Christmas Blessings

2010-01-02T07:44:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for so many things. I've thought many times about posting but did not quite know where to begin. But here goes.

Every year we do a scavenger hunt on Christmas Eve with our family. The past couple years, I have wondered if the oldest boys would outgrow this tradition. Two years ago, when Drew was 15 and Dean was 12, I was watching closely. Drew was all over it and enjoyed showing Micah the ropes (he was 2). Dean had a bit of an attitude but how could he justify it when his older brother was so cool with it. Last year, not a hint of resistance from anyone. This year, "When are we going to start our scavenger hunt?" was heard from all. Now I can picture them coming home with wives and grandkids saying, "We're still doing the scavenger hunt, right?"

Mark tailors the stops on the hunt to the amount of time we have that day. I did not have to work Christmas Eve - a tremendous blessing - because all my cooking was done by about 1:30pm and we had the rest of the afternoon and evening to enjoy each other. So our hunt included stops along the way like, watch a movie, put a puzzle together, play a game, and sing Christmas Carols (with guitars and piano). It We also enjoyed hot cocoa while we shared our favorite memories from 2009 and our goals for 2010. Here's a summary:

Mark Memories - Orlando trip, working on the house together this summer, watching the boys at all their activities.

Mark Goals - Help Drew and mom through the transition to college, finish some other house projects, more regular quiet time with the Lord.

Cherilyn Memories - Amy's eagle stories and her being cured of her cancer, Drew's $5,000 scholarship, watching Drew and Dean in the musical and Drew in the Variety Show, hanging out with Micah and his friends and their moms and Grant's stories.

Cherilyn Goals - Not cry all the time at the thought of Drew leaving, pray with expection the promises of God and for Melissa's healing, pace myself through May and graduation so it's not so crushingly busy at that time and I can savor the moments.

Drew Memories - Student Leadership University trip to Orlando, winning league in cross country and going to State, beating McPherson at the MAYB tournament.

Drew Goals - Make state in tennis, make a final college decision by April and have all paperwork completed, decide on a major by next December.

Dean Memories - Going to Colorado with the LeFevres, the success of summer league basketball despite being a freshmen only team playing against sophs and jrs., being in high school and getting to interact with the upperclassmen and Drew being so cool about letting him.

Dean Goals - Be on the varsity tennis team, get stronger, give everything he does his best.

Grant Memories - Winning the novice tennis tournament, the Orlando trip, hanging at Trease's house.

Grant Goals - Develop a spin serve, get straight A's, learn to play another instrument and/or get better on the trumpet.

Micah Memories - Swimming at Aunt Carmen, playing Star Wars toys at Aunt Carmen's, blowing out candles on my Birthday pancakes on my birthday.

Micah Goals - Go to Aunt Carmen's more (are you noticing a theme?), play football, play soccer.

The hunt ends with us opening a few gifts. Tradition is always new pajamas plus the boys open their gifts to each other. But before we opened gifts, we had to go around and say three things we liked or appreciated about each other. There were some funny moments there as well. One that stands out is when Mark was telling Dean that he appreciated the tender heart he had for his friends and Dean's desire to be a leader who inspires them to make good choices. Grant heard "tender heart" and screwed up his face as if to say, "Dean? Tender? I'm not seein' it" and kind of chuckled. Dean caught the look and said, "Grant, I'm gonna kill you" while Mark is continuing on his with he tender descriptions. We all caught the irony and busted out laughing.

I'm so thankful that all the family that was traveling during those storms arrived safely at their destinations and was able to join us as planned. Christmas seemed much more calm this year, I think because I have help at work now and didn't have to work so much, the fact that Christmas fell on a Friday and I still had the weekend after, having our Johnston/Holthus extended family celebration the day after Christmas instead of Christmas night and the fact that we have two in high school instead of one in high school and one in middle school so I had more evenings available leading up to get ready and didn't have much left to do at the last minute.

I'm thankful for the scare my friend Amy had right before Christmas. The doctors called and told her they thought her cancer was back. After 3 days of hell, we found out it was a false alarm. Right after the positive news, Amy and her husband were headed to KC for a family weekend. On the way, they both saw, plain as day, an eagle sitting on a frozen pond near the road. A bald eagle. There were many eagle sightings through her battle but always before they had been flying. When an eagle finds itself in a storm, it leaves the nest and flies into the storm, allowing the storm to push it up and up until it is above the storm flying in the warmth and light of the sun (Son). Only when the storm is over, does it return to the nest. Not only did God command his eagle to come down, He commanded it to sit and wait for Hank and Amy on a frozen pond to reassure her, the storm is over. You are healed. What an amazing God we serve.

Another friend's sister was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of brain cancer. We have been praying for Melissa (please add her to your prayer list) and have all sensed God saying, "She is healed." Amy woke one night and asked God to send an eagle to Melissa. God told her, "Melissa does not need an eagle. Men are confounded by her illness. They will know that I receive the glory and honor when she is healed. Doctors have taken the credit for your healing. I sent you eagles so you and others would know that I am the Lord Your God Who Heals."

God is showing all of us how to stand on His promises and believe He is who He says He is, He will do what He says He will do and that we are who He says we are. I am so grateful for friends who are hungry for more and more of God and that we have each other on this journey of life. I have learned so much for them.

I can't even imagine what God has in store for 2010 except I know it will involve giving us as much of Himself as we are willing to receive.

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:16-21

Video: The older boys traveling down memory lane looking at Carmen's cousin collage title "Grandmas House: Where cousins learn to be lifelong friends."

Video: Micah's Can't Wait for Christmas song and dance.

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T06:56:00.000-08:00

I am enjoying the fact that it is 9:00am and I am still in bed! I've been enjoying some peace and quiet and a good book I picked up yesterday. My laptop was nearby so I am taking the opportunity to attend to a very neglected blog.

Dean said something I thought was very profound the other day. I was playing Christmas music and he said, "No! That's just wrong!" When I asked him why it was wrong he said, "I haven't even gotten to relish and enjoy Thanksgiving yet. You're rushing through to the next holiday before we even have a chance to savor this one. I love Thankgiving! I want to enjoy it first."

Wow, isn't that good. Totally changed my view of Christmas music and a few other things. I started thinking about what he said and I realized I LOVE Thanksgiving too! I love the fact that it is all about people and fellowship and nothing about gifts. The gift is the gift of our presence. The gift is the gift of fun. As I was thinking, I realized, it might be my favorite holiday. Christmas brings so much pressure to get all the right gifts but stay in my budget. It is so much work. Our time together is spent throwing paper off packages and then off to the next gathering where we do more of the same. The older I get, the less important the gifts become and the more I long for simplicity.

I love the fact that my boys love Thanksgiving. It's the holiday where the tradition includes their participation. They discuss plays the Kansas City Kids can use against the Greenbay Grown Ups. They plan activities that include kids and adults. They look forward to how they will spend time with their cousins and aunts and uncles. Their appreciation reminds us adults that they really do just want our time and interaction more than they want our gifts.

Too often I have treated Thanksgiving as the warm-up, the prelude, before Christmas. But I have already been in the Christmas frame of mind. This wouldn't be a bad thing if it meant I was focusing with awe and wonder on the fact that God became man so He could dwell among us and be the "with us" God (Emmanuael). But of course, instead it means that I'm making my lists and checking them twice and trying to figure out that perfect gift for everyone on it and wondering how, if life already seems busy, how I'll squeeze in everything that means Christmas.

So thanks for the reminder Dean to enjoy this day. To savor it's meaning. To revel in wonder at the abundance of God's blessings and provision but also to remember that the greatest blessings we have, next to our salvation in Christ, is each other. We are so mightily favored it is almost hard to take in.

Bacon Fever aka Swine Flu aka H1N1

2009-10-06T16:30:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank you for your prayers for our family. God has been so generous in His blessing. Dean started not feeling well on Sunday morning but Dean has had no fever today, no headache and only a slight cough and the rest of the family is doing great! Dean really has not been miserable at all and he is planning to go back to school tomorrow and will be able to perform in the matinee tomorrow! (No cross country or church youth group though.)

I thought I'd share what we have been doing to help Dean get over it so quickly in addition to your prayers, of course! God has also been faithful to lead us to healing supplements.

Dean has been taking liquid called ACF Fast Relief from a company called Buried Treasure. It contains in 2 tablespoons:
1000 mg vit c
600 mg Echinacia
350 mg Citrus bioflavinoids
15 mg. zinc
100 mg osha root
100 mg. Usnea Lichen
750 mg. Elderberry extract
200 mg Goldenseal
100 mg Myrrh
100 mg. Thyme
100 mg. Ginger root extract
300 mg. White willow bark
100 ppm Colloidal Silver

He has taken about a tablespoon 4 times a day. In addition he has taken, also 4 x's a day:
700 mg astragalus
1 Airborne
5,000 IU vitamin D-3 (make sure it is D-3)

He has also sucked on vitamin C throughout the day and drunk lots of water and I rubbed garlic oil on his chest one night.

The rest of us have taken 3-4 times a day:
1 Airborne
700 mg astragalus
5,000 IU vitamin D-3

And another product called Prevention, also from Buried Treasure. It contains in 2 tablespoons:
1200 mg vitamin c
15 mg. zinc
500 mg black elderberry extract
200 mg olive leaf extract
200 mg astagalus
150 Beta 1, 3 Glucans
150 mg. Echinacea purpurea extract
100 mg. cat's claw
100 mg. Reishi mushroom extract
100 mg. shtake mushroom extract
50 mg. maitake mushroom extract
50 mg. ginger root
10 ppm colloidal silver

We have been taking about 1 tablespoon each 3-4 times a day.

Be forewarned, both of these products taste bad, the ACF worse than the Prevention, although Micah downs Prevention without even a blink and even asks me for it. So we mix it with the last swallow of Airborne and follow quickly with water.

I have gotten them at Prairie Harvest in Newton but you can also order them online to have on hand. They are good once you open them for about 18 months.

Of course I'm doing less with Micah, no extra astragalus and about a teaspoon of the Prevention and Airborne only twice a day plus some chewable vitamin C and some Vitamin D-3.

Aunt Sheri shared that her Homeopathic doctor friend is saying that 50,000 IU of vitamin D-3 for three days at the onset is getting people over it pretty fast. Also, coconut milk has proven helpful because it binds to toxins and carries them out of the body. Another herbalist friend also recommended spiralena but we did not have either of these last two items around to try.

I purposefully recorded this here so I wouldn't forget and so we would have a place to refer others. So, hope this information is some you never need! But just in case you do, hope it helps!

Micah's News

2009-09-21T17:54:00.000-07:00

Micah at times longs for heaven. It used to scare me a bit but he has done this for over a year now so I'm no longer bothered by it. He will say, "Mom, I want to go to heaven" in this whiny voice similar to what he uses when he says, "Mom, I want to watch a movie" when I have told him no more electronics! It's as though he is being denied the thing he knows will most make him happy. We have not talked a lot about heaven so I can only suppose his knowledge and hunger for it comes straight from God Himself. I have often wondered, from the things my kids say in their preschool years, if they somehow have memory of heaven or at least a more direct connection to God. The things they say about God have not been taught by human parents.

But this last time, he had a follow up question. "How do you get there mom?" So I told him that heaven is for everyone who has asked Jesus in their heart. He said, "I want to do that." So we talked for awhile about why we need Jesus in our heart, that we have sinned, what sin is and what Jesus did to pay for our sin. I fully expected him to lose interest as we talked and to move along to another topic but he did not. He said he wanted to have Jesus in his heart and asked me to help him. So we prayed together and he asked Jesus to come into his heart! I was very excited and asked if he wanted to call his grandparents but he said, "No, I'm goin' outside to play."

I've heard him singing loudly a few times, "Jesus is in my heaaarrrt!" I remember very well the day I asked Jesus in my heart when I was about his age so I hope this day will remain a cornerstone for him. I am greatful for this "deposit" by the Holy Spirit into Micah's life. I am greatful for his yearning for heaven. He is good at reminding me that this world ain't it. IT is still to come!

Micah's Philosophy

2009-07-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

We were at Dean's basketball game the other night when Micah noticed a little girl about his age enter the gym. She had long brown hair. Micah said in a breathless voice, "Mom, look at that beautiful girl." I looked and said, "Yes, she is pretty isn't she." He stared for awhile and then looked at me and said triumphantly, "Jesus made another friend just for me!" I said, somewhat facetiously, "You and Adam, huh" not thinking he would get it. But he thought for a moment and then said, "Except that snake was naughty."

That pretty much sums up Micah's approach to life. He has this approach of "I know we are going to be great friends so let's get on with it." Dean was a lot like this too, and still is really. Whenever we go anywhere new, Micah looks all around for someone his size. When he sees them, he says, "Mom look, a friend for me! Can I go play with them?" He's realized four year olds are more receptive but if an adult shows any interest at all, he's not picky. He would crawl into the lap of pretty much any stranger that showed him the time of day. (Kind of scary!) I hope we can teach him to maintain his approach to friendship while still teaching him to be cautious!

Projects Galore

2009-07-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

My sister has been inspiring me on her other blog, Budgets are the New Black, to pay closer attention to our finances. At the rate we are spending money, it's seems like an oxymoron right now. However, it is spending we planned for and we have not gone over budget. So far, we are under budget. Hope it stays that way.

Project Number One - new storage is DONE in the den. Mark did most of the work. Didn't he do a great job! We bought the cupboards at Lowe's and painted them, added hardware, the shelves in between them and created the desktop over both. (That was my part.) While I was staining, I also redid the top of the coffee table. (What do you think, Carmen? ) I'm still trying to decide whether to paint the fireplace white but think I'll leave it for now. Anyone have an opinion?

We also added cupboards above the desk at the other end of the den. The purpose in all this is to have a home for everything. I would get so overwhelmed looking at all the paper sitting around my house and I realized so much of it did not have a place to go. So now, I am excited to say, there is a home for everything with room to spare. What a relief.

We also put a new light fixture over the kitchen eat-in table and in the kitchen itself. The former involved climbing around in the attic for an hour or more so it truly deserves some kudos.

The next project has been the roof. Drew, Mark and Dean each put in about 19 hours in a day and a half. They started at 6:30am Friday morning, quit at 9:30pm and then finished on Saturday morning from 6:00am to 10:00am. They had help from two other guys from our church, Roman on Friday day and Craig on Friday night and Saturday morning. Craig (pictured here) was our expert who made sure we didn't mess the thing up. Mark also replaced all the facia (sp?) board and flashing. Gutters still to come.

We have hired Craig to come back in a couple weeks to help us replace windows and siding. I should have taken a picture of our current siding so you could appreciate the need. I'd have to be able to take a picture of a draft to show you the need for the windows - something my technology cannot do but I'm guessing it's out there.

Front done, back still to go.

Super Mark is also planning to build a carport over the slab next to our double garage out back. We have been hiring the boys to help with all this so this is their summer work as well. Poor Mark isn't getting paid directly of course but if he stays underbudget, that's kind of like wages, right?

I was so proud of how hard the boys worked. My quads are aching and all I did was clean up debris around the yard for several hours. I know they are sore today. Halfway through Saturday, I was telling Dean how proud I was of him for working so hard and he said, "It feels good to work this hard!" I joked and said in my bass voice, "Yes, it is good for a man to do hard, hard work." He replied, totally serious, "It really is." In some ways, this became a right of passage, a landmark that they will look back on and know they did man-sized work and took another step toward becoming a man. You may laugh and think I'm making too much of it but I don't think I am. It is a good example of why telling a kid, "Be a man" doesn't work but making him work or act like a man does.

We were supposed to go boating with friends at Table Rock this weekend but I decided they needed to stay home and help with this project instead. (I could have taken the kids on my own.) I'm so glad they did and what is amazing is so are they. Of course they both earned $200 so that helps too.

A Month in the Life

2009-05-28T19:26:00.000-07:00

I can't believe summer is finally here. And just in time. The Energizer Bunny I am not. I am not genetically encoded to keep going and going and going.

Here is a pictoral review of the past month in no particular order since I can't ever get pictures to stay where I want them in this blog.

Plenty of concerts - both band and vocal.

Still try to make time for Micah in the shuffle of activity. He loves to take pictures of carpet, chairs, ceilings and feet. This time I tried to show him how to aim.

Regional, Sub-State and State Tennis thrown in the same week as graduation. Drew and Joel got beat by the eventual state champion doubles team at Sub-State. Mark's other doubles team took 3rd and his singles player took 8th.

A little 2 on 2 basketball as the school year was winding down. I'm not sure who won. Drew and Grant took on Dean and Dad. I think it was pretty even.

Prom. Drew took his friend, Emily Harder. Aren't they dapper?

Drew was officially awarded his scholarship for his Veteran's Day essay at the Award's Banquet.

Dean "graduates" from middle school. Two in high school? How is this possible?

Micah is finally four. I don't think he could believe the day had finally arrived. For several months he had been asking, "How come it's taking for so long to be four?" Hannah and Scott were there as well which was a treat!

Dean and Tanner were asked to MC the middle school talent show. They did a great job - kept the show moving with just enough self-depracating humor to keep things light. They were also very encouraging to every single act. I was told by the director that they set a new standard for MC's! (Dean's in blue. I know it's too far back.)

Drew wanted to have a campout in the back yard when school got out. When I saw the tents from the house, I did not immediately think "techno campout" but sure nuff. Extension cords hooking up tvs and game systems all housed in a game tent (to keep off the dew I was told - good thinking!) Not a lot of sleeping though.

Now we are settling into our summer routine. Whatever that is. Micah and Grant are taking swimming lessons this week and next, as is Daniel who is staying with us through next week. (J & S on holiday.) Tennis clinic will start next week. Micah is also doing "preschool" two mornings a week with four of his friends while I work . Our pastor's daughter was needing a June job to raise money for her trip to Indonesia in July. A win-win for her and us moms.

Micah has been enjoying having his brothers around and just being home more. We all have. He's getting plenty of attention these days and not asking every minute for a friend to come over. We were all needing a change of routine from being "bossed around" by the school calendar. I think we're all breathing a sigh of relief.

Mark's been working hard around the house. He installed new lights in our kitchen this weekend and we all worked in the yard. Yesterday and today he is painting some cupboards we're going to put in our den.

I'm mostly focusing on trying to get the house picked up, touching base with work (I'm covering for Tiffani who had her baby yesterday) and staying one step ahead of the rush for food. The first and last one are the biggest challenges. We had 8 for lunch today. I suspect that will be a recurring event.

We have been having a "no electronics" week so the boys have really been filling their time well, playing tennis, seeing friends, reading, playing with Micah, riding bikes, playing their instruments, trips to the library. It really helps us all make the transition into summer if the TV and games stations are not an option. (Sorry Daniel - we didn't warn you about that.) Everyone is so much more content. It's quite amazing actually what a good effect it has on our whole family. We may have to extend it but make an exception for the French Open. We did watch a rented movie tonight together. Bedtime Stories with Adam Sandler. It was really funny and entertaining. Thumbs up for the whole family!

Hope your summer is off to a good start! We are loving ours so far. I had the boys write their list of things they want to do this summer. That way, if they get bored, they can read it and remember what they wanted to do before the summer slips through their fingers. It always goes so fast.

Just found an older draft that I never published with pictures of Micah and Kenzie last fall. If you'd like to read it too, click here.

Hesston Variety Show

2009-04-27T16:53:00.000-07:00

The Variety Show was such a blast! We had such a great time and laughed so hard. I wish you all could have been there. Here's a sampling:

Drew and Jessica Betts sang a duet, "Lucky." Listen to that smoothe tenor.

The opening number "Come on Everybody." Drew is on the right. His partner is wearing a lilac poodle skirt. The lighting starts out kind of wierd but it gets better.

The boys sing " Roots of Rock N Roll." Drew starts out on the back row, right.

Drew, Garrett Byler and Joel Thiessen in a skit called, "Normal Guy." I think Drew was glad to be in his part and now Joel's! The second to last line is kind of hard to hear but it is, "Think I should call and warn the nursing home?"

The whole group performing "Brotherly Love." Drew is on the right and at the beginning one of the other guys jumps into his arms.

The group makes up "ditties" to introduce themselves. Pretty funny!

We've attended this show for so many years (20+) and it is always fabulous. It's a bit surreal to have your own child up there! What a great opportunity and so fun to watch your child blossom before your eyes! Thank you Mr. Miller!

I noticed that Blogger seems to crop the video so if you want the full screen version, go to YouTube and type in Hesston Variety Show 2009 and you'll find these and more.

Growing Up Too Fast for Mom's Liking

2009-03-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

My shy, oldest son has volunteered to wear a white tux all day to school today for a Tux Shop in Newton. As a reward he will get his tux at an extreme discount for prom. I'm proud of him for thinking financially and for being willing to put himself out there like this. However, it's a bit too much of a reminder of how fast time is flying by and how grown up he is getting! Doesn't he look HUGE! The girl he's taking to prom might come up to his chest, maybe.

He's also trying out for a duet at the upcoming Variety Show. He is just full of surprises.

The Swathers made the state basketball tournament so the first game is Wednesday night in Salina. So another week of b-ball for us! Tennis started a week ago Monday so no such thing as a buffer week in this house!

Micah has started falling on the ground and crying, "Nooooo" when we mention heading to another game. We left him with a sitter for Sub-State finals and he was very excited to stay home and play. Grant stayed too and did most of the babysitting I think. Even putting Micah to bed and reading him books.

We are headed for Orlando Sunday but leaving Micah behind. Thanks mom and dad and Des for taking care of him while we are gone. I am SO looking forward to getting away from all the pressures of life and being fully present in each and every moment. No to do lists in my head, no e-mail to check, no phone calls to return, no deadline to meet, no meeting to attend, no house cleaning to do. Just enjoy being together. Pray for good weather and safe travels and that the week will go quickly for Micah and slowly for us! And pray for refreshment of my soul. It could really use it!

We get back on Friday and Grant's birthday is Saturday. Hey Fam, are we doing a March b-day party?

Life is busy but good. Not a lot of time to write as usual.

Happy Birthday Olivia!

2009-02-06T10:38:00.000-08:00

Stimulus Package - I Think Not

2009-01-31T14:34:00.000-08:00

Here's a recap of the first three weeks with President Obama.

HR1- First bill in office is an 80% increase in spending over last year's budget. $825 BILLION dollars more. (Of course this does not include the $700 BILLION already run through Congress last quarter.) Did you know 1 billion seconds ago it was 1959? Did you know that 1 billion minutes ago, Jesus was walking the earth? Did you know our government is spending $1 billion every 8 HOURS!? As Dean said, "That's crap."

Yet more perspective: If I gave you $1 million dollars and told you to spend $1,000 every day, it would take you 3 years to spend it all. If I gave you $1 billion under the same conditions, it would take you 3,000 years to spend it! Enjoy your inheritance kids. You just inherited a huge tax burden. Incredible. Infuriating!
Promises to pass FOCA - Freedom of Choice Act which would overturn EVERY restriction on abortion including partial birth abortion (even Clinton signed the bill to outlaw partial birth abortion and the Supreme Court recently upheld it) and using tax dollars to do abortions here and overseas. Now your tax dollars would be used for murder.
Just signed the Equal Pay Amendment which gives employees unlimited time to sue their employer for what they perceive as unequal pay - used to be 6 months. Now it can be 60 years or more! That should motivate all those entrepreneurs to start new businesses in America!
Promises to pass a bill that would make it incredibly easy to form a union - no more secret ballot. (As a thank you to union contributors.) Now the union bosses come to your door, pen in hand, to "suggest" you sign (if you know what's good for you.) Or if you just sign the card asking for more information, that's a vote of yes! Yet another way to keep people from starting new business (or keeping existing business) in the good old USA.
A bill to create National Health care for children. It's estimated that 20-40% of people who can afford health care will enroll in this one. After all, our taxes are paying for it!
Closed Guantanemo - Might as well bring the terrorists onto American soil. Now we can be like the Europeans who have extra security in the towns where they are housed because their "friends" like to break them out. They win either way, either they go out as martyrs or they succeed. Is Leavenworth, Kansas ready for that?
Wants to raise the corporate tax rate, never mind that we have the second highest in the world right now. Yet another reason for corporations to move their businesses elsewhere. Goodbye American jobs.
Hired a tax evader to oversee our taxes and all these billions of dollars going into our economy. Reminds me of the verse, he who is not faithful in little, even what he has will be taken away. Evidently Obama doesn't know that truth.
He's printing money like Germany did before their economy collapsed, after which it took a wheelbarrow full of money to buy a loaf of bread. Take a minute to watch this video which shows the incredible increase in money being printed and put into circulation. This is completely valueless currency and will result in outrageous inflation.

Okay, so how stimulated do you feel to go spend some money? Me, I feel like hiding mine under the mattress! So, the addition we were planning for our house? No, don't think so. I am incredulous how fast we are heading to socialism. So much for inspiring confidence in the average American. Even those who believe the Obama bull must be thinking, "This is craziness! " If credit card debt doesn't work, how can congressional debt in the billions be the answer?

Should we be suprised? You can read all about it in Zephaniah:

"The great day of the LORD is near— near and coming quickly.
Listen! The cry on the day of the LORD will be bitter,
the shouting of the warrior there.
That day will be a day of wrath,
a day of distress and anguish,
a day of trouble and ruin,
a day of darkness and gloom,
a day of clouds and blackness,
a day of trumpet and battle cry
against the fortified cities
and against the corner towers.
I will bring distress on the people
and they will walk like blind men,
because they have sinned against the LORD.
Neither their silver nor their gold
will be able to save them
on the day of the LORD's wrath.
In the fire of his jealousy
the whole world will be consumed,
for he will make a sudden end
of all who live in the earth."

I have always wondered when I read prophecy how it could all possibly come to pass? How could we go from greatness to dispair so quickly? How could we be so gullible to let a liar and anti-truth follower lead us and follow him so willingly? How could we possibly so fully forget our heritage and follow the path of distruction that so many nations before us have. How could this happen? Now it is displayed for me to watch and see how. Americans with their heads in the sand who wouldn't recognize truth if it bit them on the rear. Truth? Do most Americans even believe in such a thing? Our constitution is being overturned with every court case. Obama has even stated that it is time for us to declare for ourselves a new independence - independence from the foundation laid by our forefathers.

So, that's all depressing if it meant that those against truth had the last word. But of course they do not. Our God is sovereign and He will have the final say.

Psalm 2:

Why the big noise, nations?
Why the mean plots, peoples?
Earth-leaders push for position,
Demagogues and delegates meet for summit talks,
The God-deniers, the Messiah-defiers:
"Let's get free of God! Cast loose from Messiah!"
Heaven-throned God breaks out laughing.
At first he's amused at their presumption;
Then he gets good and angry.
Furiously, he shuts them up:
"Don't you know there's a King in Zion? A coronation banquet
Is spread for him on the holy summit."
Let me tell you what God said next.
He said, "You're my son, And today is your birthday.
What do you want? Name it:
Nations as a present? continents as a prize?
You can command them all to dance for you,
Or throw them out with tomorrow's trash."
So, rebel-kings, use your heads;
Upstart-judges, learn your lesson:
Worship God in adoring embrace,
Celebrate in trembling awe. Kiss Messiah!
Your very lives are in danger, you know;
His anger is about to explode,
But if you make a run for God—you won't regret it!

What is amazing is the mercy He has displayed these last 40 years. This is also a time of mercy. A time when God will strip away the things we have relied on and considered safe and secure - our false gods. A time when our friends and neighbors and co-workers will be looking for answers and truth. They will not find the safety they are looking for in this world, that will become infinitely obvious. God's mercy will be abounding for those who will cry out to Him. And what an amazing opportunity to be ready for an answer for the hope that is within us.

So in the mean time, we will be held accountable for using our time well. So e-mail your Senator. Tell them to stop HR1 before it's too late! Sign the Fight FOCA petition. Let your voice be heard. Be a light in the darkness. We know that God uses darkness to make the light shine even brighter. So listen to His voice and follow it! Don't retreat!

If you don't have that hope - hope in a great God with a great plan to bring glory to His name and who has prepared an eternal place for you where the doom and gloom are gone - then come now to Him. If there is anything we are bound to learn in the coming months it is that we cannot save ourselves. We need a savior. And He stands ready and waiting to receive those who will humble themselves and receive Him. He promised to collect his chosen ones and gather them to Himself. We don't know when but we don't have to wonder "if." It will be just as He has said. Do not face the coming days without knowing your eternal hope is secure!

My New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-03T14:09:00.000-08:00

1. Get moving. Spend time every day, stretching, moving, exercising, something to get more limber and de-stress. Mark and I have a contest going. First one to not exercise/move (he has to do push ups and sit ups) 5 of 7 days, loses. If he loses, I get a 1 hour massage. If I lose, he hasn't told me what he gets yet. He's still thinking. :-0

2. Spend more time in focused prayer, especially to start my day, asking God to help me see what is important and what is not. And asking for help in letting go of what is not.

3. Looking carefully at my commitments and asking God to help me let loose of things that are crowding out what is really important.

4. Be in the moment. I will capture thoughts that are distracting me from being truly present and hand them over to God for their own time.

5. Turn off the electronics. I'm going to propose one week on, one week off. (I'll let you know how that goes over.) Spend more time playing games and talking.

6. Be more proactive about bugeting and expense tracking. I'm very excited about a new product the bank is releasing this spring that will make this so much easier! I get access early to test it so I've already played with it and I can't wait to really utilize it going forward this year. I really think it will make a huge difference to let us know as we go through the month, not after, how our spending is doing and where we need to reign in.

7. Stop worrying about the future and what I want to be when I grow up. God is plenty big enough to tell me when it's time for something new and in the mean time, I'll be at rest where I am.

8. Practice an attitude of gratitude. I am so blessed. Wonderful family, fabulous friends, great church, Mayberry-like town, good jobs, incredible kids, cozy home, working cars, enough money to pay the bills and still go on vacation, freedom, and a God who blesses abundantly!

9. Stake my claim. I have finally figured out a place in my home for MY OWN DESK. NO BOYS ALLOWED! I will not give an inch.

10. Find time to be still and know that He is God. Not easy to do in my busy life but oh so necessary.

My last challenge went over like a ton of bricks, but I'll try again. Anyone want to share one of their New Year's Resolutions?

Christmas Memories

2009-01-03T13:48:00.001-08:00

I had the boys tell me their Top Ten Things They Loved About Christmas Break. Here they are in no particular order:

Drew:

Hanging out with cousins in McPherson Christmas afternoon
Hanging out with his grandparents
Hanging out with Beth and Jason
The College Basketball Experience in KC
Sharing a room with cousins (no adults) in KC
New Sonic video game
New Rock Bank II game
Time off and relaxing
His New Year's Eve Party with the juniors in youth group
His new iPod

Dean:

Spending time with grandparents
Spending time as a family
Being spoiled rotten
Going with the cousins, aunt, uncle and grandparents to KC
The new Wii
Rock Band II
Watching "The Office" for 4 1/2 hours with cousins on Christmas afternoon
Spending New Years with his band
Going to the gym and shooting baskets
Movie Day at Coach Woodward's house with the team
Number 11: New room since it happened after the first time I asked

Grant:

The College Basketball Experience in KC
Spending the night New Year's Eve at Daniel's
Being with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins
Ice skating
Changing rooms (having Micah move in - I know, can you believe it?)
Being at home and not at school
Relaxing
Christmas food
Presents - getting them
Presents - enjoying them

Micah:

The trains at the Tozier's and at Union Station
Having my brothers around
Lightning McQueen
No ball games
Santa Claus
Presents
Playing Wii - especially bowling, punching (boxing) and drums
Going swimming
Going ice skating
My new room (moving in with Grant)

Now Mine:

Having everyone home
Watching the boys open gifts Christmas Eve and morning
Being with family
The music
Watching the boys do snow angels by the pool in KC then jump in the pool
Ice Skating at Crown Center and actually being warm doing it
Sleeping in
Christmas movies on Hallmark which I could DVR and watch after Christmas
A lit Christmas tree next to a roaring fire
The reminders of just how blessed we are.

Now your turn, what's your top ten?

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-21T20:49:00.000-08:00

The Christmas letters are slow in going out so if you'd like a preview, click here. Although a warning, it loaded pretty slow for me.

Stories from the season

2008-12-21T12:37:00.000-08:00

It's been quite awhile since I've written so I'm guessing no one is expecting anything four days from Christmas so I'm probably rambling only to myself. But that is okay because that is what I needed to do today. The last four weeks have been so busy. The holidays are of course part of that but so is more basketball games than I can count, friends in need, year end work demands and a house that never, ever seems to clean itself, but rather just the opposite. Thankfully we have remained healthy.

A couple funny things I wanted to get down before I forgot. Micah's friend Anna has a new baby brother. The day before the big arrival I told Micah Anna's baby was going to be here very soon.

He asked very seriously, "Momma, when is our baby going to be here?"

I said, "We're not having any more babies, Micah. You are our last baby."

"I know!" he said with great excitement! "When Drew grows down HE can be our baby! Anna, I'm going to have a baby too when my brother Drew grows down!"

Problem solved, happiness restored.

The other funny story was when Drew and Micah recently were making a fire. They had both carried in firewood and pretty soon Micah came back upstairs asking for paper. I told him he didn't need any paper, he should use the fire starter log instead. He insisted he needed some paper.

I asked, "Are you wanting paper so you can throw it on the fire and watch it burn?" to which he nodded his head, yes.

I said, "No, you can't do that anymore. I know you did it before but that is dangerous and we are not going to do that anymore. I already gave Drew a big speech about it so he knows." Serious as can be, Micah replied, "Mom, Drew burned that speech."

"He did?" I asked.

"Yeah mom, yesterday. He burned it."

One more story. Drew and his Hesston High Singers group went caroling the other day. They caroled at several nursing homes in the area and then at Bank of American in Wichita and at The Olive Garden (in their tuxes and formal dresses.) Drew of course did not share this story with me but a friend did whose daughter, Tavia, is also in Singers.

They were caroling at Schowalter Villa and went into the room where one of the singers' great grandmother lay in a bed, not doing well after two falls the week before. By her bedside was her son (grandfather to the singer) and while they sang, he continued stroking his mother's hair. As they continued, he began to cry and Tavia realized she was about to cry as well and looked around nervously at the group to see if she was going to cry alone. Her eye first caught a boy across from her and tears already streamed down his cheeks. As she looked around the group, nearly all had tears falling as they continued to sing their song.

I cried as she told the story. I was so touched that this man had allowed these young people into this precious moment in that way and that they had recognized it for what it was - a reverent moment. What an amazing gift to them. Normally their trips to their next stop were filled with laughter and joking but Tavia said it was quiet as they headed to their next destination.

As always this time of year, I struggle to find balance between what is truly important and what is not and getting everything done without gritching around too much. My mom gave me a great birthday present yesterday - her presence. She came and wrapped gifts all afternoon while Mark and the older boys were gone. She endured the craziness of my busy life and messy home and acted like she didn't mind. It was a true blessing and took me from the edge of insanity to sanity again. She is why I have time to write this blog. That and the fact that I made all the boys clean house before they were allowed to go anywhere after church today. They were highly motivated since open gym is only from 2:00pm to 4:00pm today.

My next task is to make a list of all there is left to do in preparing for the big day and then putting someone's name next to every item - and making sure they are not all mine! I'm hoping the list is not as long as I think it might be.

Merry Christmas everyone! Love to you all!

Fall Rewind - Micah and Kenzie

2008-11-30T17:18:00.000-08:00

I found this in my "Drafts." I guess I never got around to publishing it.

Micah, Kenzie and I went to the Arboretum on a perfect fall day last October and I shot these pictures of them. Aren't they just precious? The next day, every leaf on this tree was on the ground. It was just one of those moments when God pours out a blessing.

These two have so much fun together. Kenzie calls, "Maw-kuh!" and Micah answers, "Yes, Kenzie?" He adores her and I think she knows it! But she's pretty crazy about him too.

Words to Remember

2008-11-01T10:41:00.000-07:00

Couple funny/sweet things that happened this morning.

Of course, the morning after Halloween, the first words out of Micah's mouth, "Can I have candy?"
Mom: "No, you need to eat breakfast."
Micah: "After breakfast can I have candy?"
Mom: "No, maybe after lunch."
Dad: "Micah, what do you want for breakfast?"
Micah: "I don't want breakfast, I want lunch!"

Smart kid!

It is GORGEOUS out today. As I was cutting Grant's hair I said, "I don't know if it would be possible to have a prettier day than this one!"
He thought then said, "Perhaps Christmas morning before the sun comes up with newly fallen snow that hasn't been disturbed and full moon shining on the snow."

Oh, okay. I stand corrected! Grant does not think like a typical 10 year old boy. What fun to be his mom!

Ramblings

2008-10-28T12:44:00.000-07:00

I stayed home from work today with Micah who has a cold and Grant who had a sinus migraine headache - his first, poor thing. He called to me crying this morning saying, "My head hurts to much to walk!" So I helped him to the bathroom. He said, "Well there is good news. The light doesn't make me want to throw up any more." Can you hear the collective empathy from fellow-headache sufferers? I put him back to bed with a hot cloth on his head and a Motrin Sinus. Two hours later he emerged looking pale but feeling better.

It's amazing how fast the day can go when you're not doing much of anything. I've mostly talked on the phone to Jolyn, talked to Grant, talked to Drew (he gets home early on Tuesdays), checked my e-mail, started supper. I guess I did pick up a little bit and we went to the library. Sure feels like there's not much to check off as accomplished but Grant and I did manage to do a comparison of what Catholics believe about sin and what the Bible says. (Did you know the Catholics doubled the number of mortal sins recently? We heard it on the radio on the way to the library which prompted our discussion.) I think Grant has been glad for my ears today. I really need to carve out alone time with him because he really is such a deep thinker and very fun to talk to.

I also had an ephiphany! I'm sure you're looking forward to this amazing revelation. Here is is:

I realized why housekeeping feels futile in my house. When my friends with small children leave their house, their mess makers go with them and they return to find it as they left it. (This goes for you empty nesters too!) When I leave my house, my mess makers are often there without me, so I NEVER return to find my house as I left it, it is always worse. Hence, total FUTILITY! You would have thought this would have dawned on me before now, but no. I'm a bit dense. Not to mention the fact that my mess makers have taken over every square inch of this house leaving me only the dining room table as "my space" in the house. The one spot that I see from virtually every room in the house which of course drives me even more crazy!

So, the only answers I see, are nagging or acceptance. Surely there must be something in between!! Perhaps you can offer suggestions?!? I need answers! I'm psychologically defeated by the whole process! (Think Lucy on the candy assembly line!)

We are gearing up for the whole college thing. You might be wondering if it is a bit early but I don't think it is. Drew has NO idea where he wants to go to school or what he wants to major in. He's very capable of gaining some scholarships (MUCH needed) but a prerequisite for many, although not all, is having an idea of school and narrowing down interests. We're going in a couple weeks out to Colorado to visit Colorado Christian University outside Denver. We have been trying to look ahead at the few free weekends and days off we have to plan some visits around them. Our goal at this point is to awaken him to other reasons to pick a school besides tickets to a division 1 ball game!

If anyone knows of scholarships at their company, civic club, association, etc, please let us know!

Enough rambling for now. More another time.

God's manifest presence

2008-10-11T06:09:00.000-07:00

My friend recently learned she has Hodgkins Lymphoma. Her doctor said, "If you were going to vote for the kind of cancer you wanted, this would be the one to vote for." That is one vote I think we would all pass on. She is six months pregnant. It was quite a blow to her and her friends and family. But it has been amazing to watch the faithfulness of God and how He is manifesting his presence in her life through circumstances, other believers and unbelievers. This diagnosis came Monday, and here is just a sampling of the things that have happened since.

She found out that a friend of the family had been through the exact same thing, pregancy and all, 8 years ago. Through that she learned there are three areas in the country that specialize in Hodgkins and one is in Omaha. She talked to her doctor here and he was thrilled she was researching and had found a group who dealt with pregnant women with the condition (very rare) and was very open to collaborating with them.

I had shared the following Paul Harvey story with her:

When the eagle sees the storm approaching, it leaves its nest with the expectation that the storm winds will push it higher and higher until it is flying above the storm in the warmth and light of the sun (Son). When the storm passes, it returns to its nest unharmed. Compare this to the chicken hawk who cowers against the cliff and allows the storm to buffet him, sometimes not surviving.

Just like Isaiah 40:31 says, "Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

This story meant a lot to her and she told her husband she was determined to face this storm like an eagle. A couple days later, she received this e-mail from her neighbor:

"I thought this was a very positive sign(as you know I am 1/100th Native American). There were two eagles soaring over your house today. No better word than soaring. They just stayed there. I have never seen eagles in this area before. They just were hanging out, making tons of noise and enjoying the nice sky. I could not figure out what the noise was until I noticed them over your house. As I said, that is a very positive sign to me( and I am a weird guy, but I took it as a sign!)

This was followed by another e-mail from a friend:

"Wow! This is incredible! You know it seems when you are in a crisis or trial you see God's hand in an amazing way. I remember in my depression, although I felt a deep sense of emptiness it was like God gave me signs along the way that He had not forsaken me. He knows how to show you in very personal ways that He is with you."

How true. I was telling Mark all the things that had been happening and He said, do you think these things are happening all the time and it's just that we're paying attention?" I kind of think it is God's grace being poured out in accordance with the need. It's why you look at someone and say, "I don't know how they can do that." It's because they are receiving additional grace for their need.

But wait, there's more! It seems every song I've heard has been for my friend, but one in particular stood out by Sanctus Real called "Whatever You're Doing". Here are the words:

Chorus:

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos, somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see

but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone

Time to begin again

Revaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow your will

or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is you want from me

I give everything I surrender...To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

That I've wanted to say for so many years

Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but I believe

You're up to something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but now I can see

This something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Something heavenly

It's time to face up Clean this old house

Time breathe in and let everything out

The part that caught my attention when I heard it was the phrase "You're up to something bigger than me." Before I could even share this with her, she called and told me that she had been up most of the night with a big dream God had given her. She said, "Is it possible to have the highest high and the lowest low in less than a week?" I answered, "Absolutely!" She had shared the dream with one of our pastors and he started laughing because he had e-mailed a few people with a dream of his a couple weeks earlier and it matched exactly her dream. Then I shared with her something our other pastor has shared with me several weeks ago and something Mark and I had talked about that also paralleled her dream! Wow! God is amazing.

But wait, there's more! I haven't even had a chance to share this with her yet. I listen to Chuck Swindoll on the radio on my way to work sometimes. He's been going through the book of Daniel. Yesterday it was the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abedniggo. I almost turned the station, so familiar I thought I was of the story. Of course we all know they refused to bow down to King Neb's golden statue and were ordered to death in the fiery furnace.

Here, I'll let you read for yourself:

16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual 20 and commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. 21 So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. 22 The king's command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, 23 and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.
24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, "Weren't there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?" They replied, "Certainly, O king."
25 He said, "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods."
26 Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!" So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, 27 and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.

Perhaps you, like me, had never caught the fact that the only thing that burned in the fire was what bound them! They themselves were not harmed by the fire but God used it to loose what had bound them and set them free. They didn't even have the smell of fire but their chains were gone. Wow, what a powerful analagy. Really makes Isaiah 43:2 come alive: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

I could go on but you get the idea. God is at work and it is amazing to watch. Please pray for my friend as you think of it. (I'm not going to share her name in this format.) Please pray also for those who know her, that we might be sensitive to God's voice as to how we can come alongside and help her.

TMI

2008-09-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

For those of you who didn't immediately understand TMI, it stands for Too Much Information! That could be my life's theme. Or as Emily said, "too many rabbits on the trail." If I could only program my brain to think about and ponder one thing at a time, perhaps I might absorb something.

What, you might ask, is prompting this raving? I went to a class tonight and learned the difference between beliefs and feelings from a chemical point of view. The mind and the autonomic nervous system (the source of feelings) often clash. The mind thinks and reasons. The autonomic system "thinks" but does not reason, it merely responds to stimuli and is then programmed to respond that way to similar stimuli. Hence the ache in your gut when you think about a conflict that you feel you handled appropriately but still feel sick about it. Your mind tells you you did the best you could but your stomach still hurts. Perhaps in the past you have learned that your best efforts may still result in broken relationships and even though your mind learned how to handle conflict from this, your gut is now programmed to expect the worst and grieve the broken relationship or fear it will happen again.

We learned that if your autonomic system gets "stuck" there, irregardless of what your mind says, you cannot move forward into the "peace that passes understanding" or victorious living unless you reboot or reprogram the autonomic system. This reprogramming can happen through the use of accupuncture points (no needles) and through scripture and prayer.

The thing that is really wowing me though is the understanding that when we are born, our autonomic system and mind are one in the same. The mind is not yet capable of thinking differently than the autonomic system. We just react to stimuli and feeling. (Think terrible twos and my sister's phrase "never try to reason with a 2 year old) Not until children are about five years old does this separation occur at a functional level (and sometimes not even then.) So the things our chilren take in from 0 to 5 are so crucial because they are programming the autonomic system. But the other thing that occured to me, is that if we are not developing the mind, we will delay this development and the autonomic system will run rough shod over them throughout their lives. This can also happen if a particular trauma which brought strong emotions never is "reprogrammed." It can control a person's life because they are "stuck" or, chemically speaking, blocked.

This explains to me why children who are placed in front of television where stimulation and feelings and wants are fed to them day after day are so damaged. They are rarely asked to think critically about anything they see and so often they are surrounded by the teenage angst of Hannah Montana or Zach and Cody where every feeling is followed without regard to rationale thought. Then between scenes, they are taught to be anxious about how they look, how much stuff they have (or don't have) or fed a jingle that will program them to respond to a product in a certain way. Their autonomic system is bulked up while their minds and rational thought are either withering or conforming to the programming of their feelings. 99 times out of 100 this programming will not match with the Truth and will lead to chaos, confusion and pain. Just as the enemy intends it.

Micah demonstrated perfectly this brain development today. I found a Superman costume on sale and he was very excited to try it on. After getting all decked out, he said he needed to go outside. I asked him what he was going to do but he said, "I just need to go." I followed him and watched from the front door. He just stood there looking at the street. Pretty soon he turned around and looked at me with such a sad, puzzled look and said, "I can't fly mom." He had the saddest look on his face. His mind just learned something he had not known before and it did not match with his feeling that it was Superman's costume that would make him fly. Of course this realization had to come at some point. It's part of how this separation of mind and gut occurs. But how painful to watch. And if this realization is painful, how about when children are told by their parents they are loved, but experience the pain of divorce and separation. The mind and gut split.

He also addressed how powerful music is in this area as well. How often do we hear kids say, "I don't listen to the words, I just like the music." This is because it glides past the mind and straight to the autonomic system, creating powerful feelings and emotion in us. If this emotion matches with Truth, not a big problem. But if it does not, you set yourself up for internal conflict which causes stress, which causes disease.

When we constantly feed our autonomic system (medicate it so we feel better) with television, music, distraction, people who affirm our feelings, we are turning down the volume to the Holy Spirit and Truth. The speaker said it takes weeks of "turning off the noise" to regain the ability to hear God's voice again. And we must be careful to weigh that voice against the Word of God to understand where the autonomic system (our feelings) have led us astray.

How important to build silence into our lives and the lives of our children. If I let them, my children would fall asleep every night with their iPod in their ears. I have always thought this was wrong but I did not fully understand why. Tonight I have a much better understanding. It also explains to me why our culture is so bent on selfish pursuit rather than sacrificial good. If what you know to be right does not match with what you have programmed to "feel good", you will be in conflict and folllow the feeling rather than the belief. Eventually your belief will change to match your feeling unless your autonomic is reprogrammed with the truth. And if we constantly feed our feelings without training our mind in the truth, we will live in conflict, chaos and pain.

Like I said, TMI. And this was only the tip of the iceberg of the discussion tonight. If I bored you, so sorry. But in order to keep other rabbits from invading the trail, I wanted to write some things down to help solidify in my own mind what I learned and you have the "priviledge" of coming along for the ride.

PS A completely unrelated Micah funny: Since the weather was cooler for awhile, Micah had been wearing jeans. I asked if he needed help unbuttoning to go to the bathroom the other day. He said, "No, but I will maybe need help onbuttoning."

Update - Finally!

2008-08-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

It's been so long since I've written I'm sure any who had been checking this site have long since given up that I will ever post again. I certainly can't blame you. It seems every time I go to post, something interrupts be it life, technical issues or lack of energy.

It has been a fast and furious summer. We started with lots of ball games - basketball and baseball, and summer camp for Drew. Everyone but Micah participated in Mark's tennis clinic and Mark and Drew painted a few houses. Micah loved having his brothers around and their friends. I will say that all the boys' friends are SO good to Micah and don't act like he's a pain or a bother. Micah helps in that he doesn't constantly want to be with them and just checks in occassionally. I can't believe I didn't get a single picture of Micah of the trampoline with various crowds of teenagers and ten year olds. What was I thinking?

Micah has grown up so much this summer. He has lost his little pudgy legs and has turned into a little boy. He now wants to "play with my friends". He is not going to be content just hanging around with mom this fall after having such a busy social life this summer. Thankfully I have several friends with children his age who are in the same mode. So a play date is always an option. I did not enroll him in preschool because his age group is Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and I didn't want to wear him out when we have such a busy ball game schedule during the school year. But I think we may have to get him enrolled in story hour or something to satisfy his social needs!

His imagination has also taken off. A favorite game is David and Goliath and he is happy to play both rolls. (It's just as fun to fall over dead as it is to sling the stone.) At first when he played he would tell Goliath (as David) that he was stronger so we had to talk about the story in a bit more detail until he understood that God is the one who made David strong to kill Goliath. Now we say:

Goliath: I'm going to kill you with my sword!

David: Your sword is not as strong as the Lord!

Grant has also turned into a social bug, especially since we got back from vacation. He spent a lot of time with cousin Daniel in June during the weeks we called "Camp Hesston." They did Mark's tennis clinic, a basketball camp and took swimming lessons together. Some of his good friends has plans in July so when we returned from vacation it was like he had gone through withdrawl. They have been pretty inseparable this past few weeks. His best friend, Robby, and he are in the same home room at school so they were pretty exicted!

Dean, of course, did not need to turn into a social bug as that has already been firmly established as part of his personality. He and Keegan (best friend) had opposite vacations all summer so their time together was not as much as either would have liked but it meant we saw more of Dean and also that he spent more time with other friends. Dean has been a huge help with Micah this summer! He and four friends have recently started a band. I have yet to hear them (they meet at the drummer's home) but I've heard that they are progressing nicely. They're planning a fall concert so I'll let you know.

Drew has also been a huge help this summer. He always has such a great attitude when I ask him to babysit. He's pretty content to be home. He really goes in spurts. He might spend all day and evening with friends and then spend a couple days at home just hangin, playing music and playing with Micah. Then he'll plan a campout or movie night with friends again. He certainly is not one who has to be on the go all the time and seems to innately understand how to balance activity and rest. I am actually a bit worried about him this year because I'm not sure he's going to be able to maintain this balance if he stays as involved as he is planning. This is his list of responsibilities for the year:

Student (of course)

Stuco Rep

SADD Co-chair

YAR (Youth as Resources) member

Youth group worship team member

Youth group member

Hesston Singers member (with numerous performances and two major shows that require weeks of evening rehearsals associated with that)

Three sports - XC, BB and Tennis

I keep telling him to evaluate whether he's in over his head and we can figure out a way for him to back off of something. Of course the year is just starting and he says he's okay. He had three meetings the first week and has 7:30am Singers Practice every morning but sports practice doesn't start until Monday so we'll see. Part of me knows how much this helps with scholarships but I also don't want him to overdo. Pray that we can find a balance.

Mark has seemed more stressed for a first week of school, more tired, especially considering tennis practice hasn't started yet. So I'm not sure what that is about. I guess I need to ask him, huh!

Our vacation to Michigan (and six other states) was amazing. I'm hoping to blog on that later. (I actually had planned today until I fiured out half my travel journal somehow got deleted - ARGHH!) We had such a blast! I was not ready to come home. It was so refreshing to have no internet access. A perfect excuse to not check my e-mail and as a result I had no idea what was happening back at work. I knew they would be fine in my absence but now they know too! It really allowed me to reboot my brain and let it rest from constantly thinking about a hundred different things and just really be present in the moment. It was incredibly refreshing but hard to return to the constant bombardment of schedules, house maintainance, cooking, work demands, yard maintenance, etc, etc, etc. I loved the slower pace. It's so hard to figure out how to build that in to normal life. God knew what He was talking about when He said we needed a day of rest. I have really come to realize that this summer and have made a concerted effort to set Sundays aside for that purpose.

Anyway, that's the update. Sorry no pictures. Hopefully next time.

Colorado Vacation

2008-06-12T05:25:00.000-07:00

I actually started this post a couple weeks ago and when I was almost done, I hit some BAD key and poof, the whole thing was gone. I've was so discouraged I haven't been able to blog since. So here I am, back on the horse again.

I just wanted to share a few pictures from our trip. It was not our typical Colorado vacation. Not nearly enough isolation (overdeveloped Avon) wooded trails (covered in snow still) and streams (roaring rivers) and hiking (3 year old) for me. So we ended up paying for fun instead of just exploring. Not good for the vacation budget but still created some good memories.

This is our condo. We did end up listening to a time share presentation to get the 4 nights free in a future Sheraton stay. I would definitely not go back here unless I was skiing. It would be a great location for that.
Since we were not nestled into the side of a mountain but instead located on a busy street, the boys did way too much of this.
We went up to Beaver Creek Village where they had Blue, Brews and BBQ going on as well as the normal fair of bungee trampoline, wall climbing and putt putt which seems to be the standard fair for summer fun at a ski resort. No alpine slide though. The three oldest did the wall climb. It was actually a pretty challenging climb on the right side.

Grant stuck with the left side. They made it to the top!All four took a stab at bungee trampoline, even Micah. You can see video at the bottom of this post. Micah thought it was great. Drew had a great time while he was doing it but got very motion/altitude sick when he got off. He missed putt putt in favor of the men's room. He felt better when he got some brisket in him!

Keeping score is not even worth it when Micah is on the course. See the snow in the background!
Micah found this friend in a general store.
Grant had to conquer this river. Micah desperately wanted to try but we all knew how that would end up.
They had a tent set up with crafts for kids. Micah and Grant enjoyed that.
Micah made a mask...
...and a guitar (with which he became inseparable! Picture stepping onto an elevator and seeing a paper guitar rockin' three year old in a mask!)
Grant made a hat.
There was a great park nearby with a fishing lake and a playground. We spent quite a bit of time here, especially Micah and I.

We went to Eagle and went bowling one night. We found a coupon in one of the flyers they have around. It was a GREAT place. Drew was so wishing we had something like it in Hesston. I told him he needs to take the Entrepreneurship class before he graduates and make it his project to find out what it takes to build and run a place like this.

Micah's first bowl stopped just shy of the pins. This meant the manager had to climb down and get it. He enthusiastically offered this ramp for Micah's use! Micah loved it! And we loved it because it meant the rest of us got a turn! You can watch the other video below of his strike!
They serve our pizza on this table so we eat while we bowl. They had a great menu of pastas and salads as well. If you're curious, check out their web site.The next day Drew, Mark and Grant went to Hanging Lake. This time it was Dean who didn't feel well. It was a forty-five minute drive to get there but there really were no trails open around us. But it was worth it!

When they got back we celebrated Micah's 3rd Birthday!
Tuesday was Glenwood. Notice how few people there were. The weather was perfect. I was so sorry I didn't get a picture of Micah's tent. We set a small tent up on this hill above the pool under a tree for Micah to take his nap. Of course I had to lay down with him. It was so great. The temperature, sleeping on the side of a mountain under a tree, cuddling and reading books. A great memory.

Remember the bubble chairs? They are still there and still only 25 cents!This might be the only picture with me in it! And how lovely I look, NOT!
Video time!

Toilet Trumpet Voluntary

2008-05-20T19:42:00.001-07:00

Brings new meaning to tooting on the toilet, don't you think?

Do you want to hear the concert for yourself? Click the play button below!

A Rare Quiet Moment

2008-05-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

I didn't really plan to stay home from Sunday School but here I am. And I must say, that irregardless of how good Sunday School might be today, I think my soul needed the peace and quiet more. It is a beautiful, sunny, so far windless day. Perfect day for sitting on the deck and listening to the birds and blogging a bit.

Mark had a new record of high school graduation invitations this year, 41! It's not as bad as it sounds as some are having their celebrations together. We covered six in one stop yesterday. There's enough difference in the times, that he just may make it to all them them. (I didn't go to all of them. I spent most of the evening helping Des with her son, John's.) Of course we can't get a gift for everyone, but he does write a personal note to each one which takes a lot of time. Hopefully they appreciate his effort. He is well loved and it is gratifying to see someone who so obviously loves what they do and have the kids respond to him in this way. Even after doing that job for 21 years he has lost none of his enthusiasm.

I must admit that I'm freaking out knowing that this graduation thing will be at our door step in two short years. We've been taking Drew to these open houses the past 15 years. It's hard to believe his turn is so close. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I talked to a friend who assured me that even as we grieve the end of one season, we can be assured the best is yet to come. I trust her because her two boys and one girl are grown and gone with only one daughter left at home. She'll be a senior next year. So I'm trying to believe her and not my feelings.

I am starting to realize that I don't have time and energy for all things and that I must pick and choose carefully or I will miss what is really important. I know, you would think I would have learned this earlier, and actually I have, many times. The problem is, I have to keep learning it. And things come up - a little here, a little there - and it's like the frog in boiling water. All of a sudden, you're thinking, "Man, it's hot in here!" My recent diagnosis of Adrenal Fatigue confirmed what my mind and body had been screaming - something's gotta give! So I am looking for ways to make my world a bit smaller, at least for now. To really focus and be present in the NOW and not worried about keeping so many balls in the air. I don't want to miss a minute.

Micah turns three next week. It has gone by in a heartbeat. A month later Drew turns 16, beat-beat, that fast. What a great young man he is becoming. I'm so proud of him. And what great things he has learned by being Micah's big brother. If there is an award for Best Big Brother, I can't imagine he wouldn't win. I am in awe of him.

If I'm going to make it to church, I need to get in the shower. Singing praise songs always fills my soul so I don't want to miss it.

April Update

2008-04-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't written for awhile. It has been an incredibly busy month and quite frankly, I'm a bit numb. The last month I've gone to more tennis tournaments than I can count, a few flag football games (Grant), a piano recital, wrapped up Hide 'N Seek including our final program, struggled to only work 3 days a week in the office resulting in many hours from home, our new "Vickie" started at work (her name is Jan) as well as a couple others we hired, took a business trip to Phoenix, and planted our garden to try to reduce the grocery bill and tried, unsucessfully, to keep up with grocery shopping, housework and meals. Last weekend was our final HNS performance and Drew and Dean both wrapped up their tennis seasons. Mark still has a couple weeks left. The next three weeks bring youth group dinners, tennis banquets, middle school open houses (yes, Grant is "graduating from Elementary School), field trips, high school college credit enrollment (yes, Drew can begin earning college credit!), Mother's Day, baby showers, bridal showers, graduations and open houses, more new employees and FINALLY a vacation - to Colorado - over Memorial Day weekend. Some people dread the busyness of the holiday season. For us, that season is April and May.

This season has always been busy for us, but add to it the demands of a two year old, two boys in tennis as well as the coach, working an extra day, being in a new position and being an employee short for the past seven months has been enough to send my adrenals into the critical zone. My doctor called with that news last week. So, my job for the next six months at least, is to figure out how to rebuild my adrenals as well as figure out how to reduce my stress. Since I'd like to keep the kids and the marriage, I'll be doing a lot of praying about what of the other needs to go.

Micah and I spent quite a bit of time outside planting flowers and putting in the last of the garden. I finally got my floor mopped and a couple phone calls made. If you looked at my house, you would wonder what I did all day because it definitely looks unattended. But it seems that even when I give it attention, it still look as though I didn't 15 minutes later, so might as well leave it as is and enjoy the sunshine, right?

Usually I am looking forward to summer and really, I still am. But it brings so much activity and chaos as well as shoes, towels, toys, books, balls, music, noise, food, dirty dishes, unending trips to the grocery store and friends all over the house all the time that I must admit, I'm feeling the anxiety of it creeping in. I hope I have enough time to regroup before it all hits. Otherwise, I may need to go away by myself for a few days to restore sanity around late June. I'm going to need to put in some strict chore lists and standards. It doesn't help to write "pick up the house" if their standard is "but I'm going to use that raquet again tonight" and "but the towel is drying on that chair" and "but I thought Drew was going to eat that cereal too". That's the trouble with not being here everyday to maintain. It can get really out of hand in a very short time and then I walk in and feel completely overwhelmed. Which is basically where I am now. So hopefully this will pass before May 22nd.

I know I have much to be thankful for. My children are healthy, our families are doing well, wonderful friends, great community, fabulous church. So many, many blessings. Just writing that makes me feel more at peace. But I do sense God calling me to find the still waters as best I can in this next season and take stock. Two short years before Drew graduates. Two short years left with Micah before kindergarten. Too precious to not be intentional about savoring every moment. I tend to stretch myself very thin serving in a myriad of ways - particularly at work and church. It is hard to say no to things I know I can do and would enjoy. But I must remind myself that every yes I say somewhere else, often means a no to my family in some way. We have pulled together well this past eight months but it was intended as a season and it's time to regroup. I know God has new and wonderful things in store but I must let go of some of the old to make room for the new. That's a good thing.

The Life of Micah as Captured by Drew

2008-04-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

Drew took Micah on a photgraphic adventure last night. It didn't start out as the plan. They were playing in Micah's room and they both came out asking for the camera. Drew said, "You gotta see this!" followed by Micah's "Yeah mom, come see me." I followed them into Micah's room to see Drew turn Micah's crib mattress into a Micah-swatter (think fly swatter) with Micah looking like a squished bug with his head peaking out. From there the game was on and they went all over the house setting up photo ops. It was pretty hilarious. Micah was exhausted when all was said and done and came begging for someone to "put me nigh-night!"

They even did costume changes!

...and commerative photos

...and photos with special effects!

Blueberry Catepillar

2008-03-29T08:22:00.000-07:00

Brings Back Memories

2008-03-03T19:14:00.000-08:00

I kept Micah's crib mattress knowing that it would come in handy. It's been a trampoline, a fort wall, a fort roof, a punching bag, a kicking bag, a target and now a sled. Every kid needs to have a staircase or at least access to one! I remember many sledding events down our back staircase at the Euclid house. Not many better ways to spend a cold wintery night than this! (Click the play button to view the video!)

No Light by Grant

2008-02-27T08:16:00.001-08:00

Not very long ago there was a storm that affected an electricity pole. So many places in our town the lights were flickering on and off like fire flies’ light. At the elementary school the kids were like party animals at the biggest and best party in the world, and that’s not all.

When I got home, there was not one ounce of electricity besides things that run on batteries. Ever nook and cranny and everywhere in the house was cold. Specifically upstairs. For example, I almost got frost bites up there. However my big brother lit a blazing fire that illuminated the whole basement, and in addition to the fire we lit candles to help ward off the darkness.

When I saw that blazing fire I all of a sudden felt lazy and popped into a chair faster than you can say “sweet mashed potaters.” I didn’t do anything but read until my mom came home with Braum’s, and believe it not, I scarfed that stuff so fast I rivaled a pig.

The day wound down and we played Apples to Apples by firelight. But around 7:40pm we got power. The power eliminated our need for candles. So that’s the whole story about a tiny ice storm.

Who's on First?

2008-02-23T12:35:00.000-08:00

We have joked in the past that for Micah's gifts we could get formica samples and put them on in lieu of a gift card because it's For Micah (formica), get it? Well today, Mark and Micah went to Kropf Lumber to pick up formica and we had our own Abbot and Costello routine going:

Micah: "What's that daddy?"

Mark: "It's formica."

Micah: "For me?"

Mark: "No, it's formica?"

Micah: "Sanks, daddy."

Mark: "You're welcome."

Micah: "Dew, look, it's for me!"

Drew: "What is it?"

Micah: "I non't know."

Drew: "It's formica."

Micah: "Yeah, it's for Micah."

Drew: "What is it?"

Micah: "It's for me!"

Drew: "It is? What is it?"

Micah: "Daddy, what is it?"

Daddy: "It's formica."

Micah: "Yeah, it's for me!"

It could go on but you get the idea. And, it came with bag of popcorn so what else could a guy want. It was pretty funny!

We were eating pancakes this week and the boys were trying to get Micah to say syrup. Micah says surabup.

Drew: Micah, say syrup.
Micah: Surabup
Drew: Say Sur Up.
Micah: Sur-a-bup
Drew: Say sur
Micah: Sur
Drew: Up
Micah: up
Drew: Sur-up
Micah: Surabup
Drew (refusing to give up): Sur
Micah: Sur
Drew: Up
Micah: Up
Drew: Sur Up
Micah: Sur Up
Much applause!
Drew: Syrup
Micah: Surabup
Much laughing

We're finally all healthy again. Drew had his last game last night, a heartbreaker against a rival private (think recruiting) school. I said, "Don't you want to have one more game to end on a good note?" He said, "Nah, it'm ready to be done." Well he's not quite done because he's practicing with the varsity as long as they continue through sub-state/state. Tennis starts Monday (yes in the middle of winter) so he'll have no break between seasons unless the weather stays terrible or the team doesn't play like we all think they should.

Dean has been taking his bass lessons and he and some friends are trying to put their musical efforts together. Since we don't own the trap set, I haven't heard them much but the family who does own the trap set invited us over to listen so we'll have to take them up on that.

Grant has had his nose in a book continuously for the past two weeks. He's either doing that or shooting baskets, inside or out.

Micah is feeling much better and back to his old self. You start to think they are just going through terrible two-dom and they are just going to be like that for awhile. Then when they snap out of it, you realize they just probably still weren't feeling well.

Micah's new word is "darnit." I have told Dean to cut it out of his vocabulary because it sounds terrible coming out of a 2 year old's mouth. Then I caught (okay, actually Micah caught) me saying it the other day. I had to immediately say, "Oh mommy was so naughty" and apologize to Micah. Yesterday Micah was trying to do something (can't remember what) and it was difficult for him. He said, "Oh, dr... Uhhhh. Mommy, I want to say darnit! Please can I say darnit?"

"No, Micah, that's naughty."

"Otay mommy."

Today, he was trying to get out of his carseat after returning with groceries. He got frustrated with his seat belt and said, "Oh goodness. Mommy I want to say oh goodness."

"Good Micah, that is good to say oh goodness."

"Sanks mommy."

I'm not sure how he came up with "oh goodness" but I think it's hilarious that even at such a young age, there is this NEED to have a way to express frustration. Aunt Carmen suggested her favorite, fiddlesticks. We'll work on that next.

2-25-08 Postscript: We've been trying out "widdlesticks." Micah wants to know where the widdle sticks are. He likes widdle sticks because they are fun to pound on drums.

The Crud

2008-02-08T18:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, enough is enough. We have had one form of crud or the other for the past month and I'm ready to be done already! Does anyone know how to fumigate a house in a way that kills germs and not people? We have passed around flu, strep (twice), colds and coughs for what feels like forever! I have replaced 12 toothbrushes in three weeks and need to get another set of six this weekend. I can't remember the last time anyone was on antibiotic and now we have filled 8 prescriptions in 3-4 weeks. I cannot exactly remember the last time we were all healthy. I think it was Christmas vacation. Calgon, take me away!

I am so ready for sunshine and ultra-violet rays that kill anything in their path. I'm ready for boys who come in sweaty and smelly because they've been playing outside for hours instead of cold and feverish and lacking in energy. I'm ready to open the windows in stead of stoking the fireplace. Spring cannot come soon enough for me.

On a more humorous note, Micah has been adding new phrases to his vocabulary. He and his friend, Kenzie, recently spent a couple hours together. Kenzie was telling Micah a few things and when there was a lull in the conversation, he said, "Now my question is..." Only trouble was, he had no question. So he just said something silly. I think he thinks the phrase means, "It is now my turn to talk and I would like to use it." Kenzie thought the whole thing was quite funny so she followed suit and they took turns "asking questions" for awhile.

I tease Des that Kenzie is getting Micah ready to marry. She hollers out, "Miiiii-Caaaah" when they aren't in the same room. Micah comes running out and says, "Yes, Kenzie? Yes?" I said all he has to learn is "You're right dear" and he'll be ready. Of course it was at Kenzie's house that Micah dressed up in high heels, a Dora Princess Dress and crown so maybe he has a few other things to learn about being the man of the house before he's ready for marriage.

Dean finally saved enough for his new bass guitar and has started lessons this week with his band instructor. The band instructor is very excited for Dean to learn and is already making plans for Dean to join the jazz band later. Hopefully Dean will respond well to this encouragement and work hard at this. Dean works hard at sports but he tends to like everything else to be easy so this will be very good for him. Dean has a few weeks before tennis starts so we're really trying to focus on his guitar and get him off to a good start before his attention is divided. (Okay, so maybe that's one blessing from winter still continuing.)

Drew drove himself to the doctor this week. Somehow that felt like the equivalent of a first word or first step, like we crossed a giant milestone somehow. He just looks older now. He's back into the swing of basketball although he's had to miss two games with strep. It's very fun to watch he and his team play. He's having a great year on the court and off.

Grant has been shooting baskets non-stop. When there is no snow-ice he goes outside. When there is, he goes into a bedroom with an over the door goal or downstairs to the pull out goal that hangs on the wall. It is paying off because he has been scoring a good majority of the points in his games. He's also doing a lot of reading and piano playing and if I catch him watching TV it's usually the History Channel. He turned it off tonight though and said, "Mom, don't watch 'The Universe.' It's a bunch of lies. You know, millions of years and big bang and all that. Well I guess it did happen like that. Cause in the beginning God spoke and Bang, it happened." Smart kid.

I remember when the boys were younger and they'd start to go stir crazy in January and February I would make them put on their boots and coats and run laps around the house. Drew had to run something like 28, Dean 23 and Grant 15. They were probaby 4, 7 and 10. They looked at me in disbelief the first time I made them do it but then later, when I'd tell them they either had to stop wrestling or go run laps, they'd get their coats and boots on, assign each other the number of laps and off they'd go.

Now they don't wrestle as much. Instead they all play their instruments at the same time or wander from PS-2 to TV to computer to MP3 looking for something to pass the time. Thank goodness for sports practice. Lately the tennis raquets are laying on the floor every time I turn around. I think they must get them out just to look at them and hold them in anticipation of spring. Dean has gone to the college gym to hit and they did get out last weekend when we had a bit of a reprieve from winter.

Old Man Winter, it's time for you to move on out. I don't care what the groundhog says, you're overstaying your welcome! Bring on spring!

Sister Act

2008-01-21T16:29:00.000-08:00

My sister, Carmen and I recently spoke at her women's event in Derby. It was a journey that began two years earlier, when after a deep conversation about past hurts and some groundbreaking healing, I distinctly felt God telling me that someday we would speak about what we had learned to women and sing a song together. I called Carmen to tell her my "vision" to see if she had heard the same word from God. "Absolutely not!" was her emphatic answer. I must say I was relieved to hear it!

Now we both know that was all part of God's grand plan to give us the confidence to move forward when, two years later, the opportunity to do just as He had shown us came about.

You can read our talk at my Hide 'N Seek web site if you want the unedited version. Be forewarned, there's even more there than we said that night since we quickly realized we'd be there until midnight if we said everything we had written.

The heart of the lies we believed were summarized in this portion of our talk:

Cheri: You know how there are those people who just have a way about them. When they tell the story, it’s funnier. When they sing the song, you feel it more. When they play the game, it’s more fun. Well, that is my sister. This was obvious to me at a very young age. So I was left trying to figure out where my value came from when I didn’t have these innate, intangible qualities that brought her such attention and affection. So I became the one who cooked and helped out and tried to keep the peace. And when I became good at these things, the lines were drawn, the competition established and the turf divided up. I don’t remember Carmen having a deep desire to cook and sew and earn money for her own clothes. But I do remember wanting to enjoy music or our neighborhood friends and feeling like I had crossed into enemy territory. So I wondered, “She knows me better than anyone and she hates me. So no one else could ever possibly really like me for who I am. They will only like me if I serve them.”

Carmen: You know how there are those people who just have a way about them. They have the ability to visualize something and then create it into being with their hands; When you have a decision to make you seek their wise council; When you need something organized and planned that is who you go to to get it done right. Well, that is my sister. Man, in my eyes, she never got in trouble and was always on the side of right. I was the extreme teenager, too happy, too sad, too funny, too sensitive, too cute, too dramatic…too much! I knew me in all my “too muchness” made her feel over-shadowed and I felt judgment and disappointment from her. So I wondered, “She knows me better than anyone and she hates me. So no one could possibly really like me for who I am. They will only like me if I tone it down a notch.” In the shadow of my strengths, she felt overlooked. In the shadow of her strengths I felt misunderstood.

We have finally come to realize that God created each of us in His image for His unique purposes and that the beauty we see in the other in no way diminishes the beauty He has created in us. But it's been a long road to get there. And the road could not have been navigated in our own understanding but only though the truth of God's word and a willingness on both our parts to find truth and healing.

Our talk focused on our "Thought Closet", a term borrowed from author Jennifer Rothschild in Self Talk, Soul Talk. We identified several lies we as women tell ourselves when we wallow in past hurts and bitterness, compare ourselves to others, or envy others' beauty thinking it dimishes our own, or when we live in a spirit of fear and anxiety. We then helped the audience to understand that we must RECOGNIZE the lie, REFUSE it, RELABEL it with the truth of God's word and REPEAT this process again and again until the lie is sucked dry and the truth lives large! You can read the lies and corresponding truth on the HNS web site. There is also a version for teens/pre-teens as well as one about the media.

It was God thing and that is always a good thing, never to be missed when He brings it your way, irregardless of the fear you must push through to do it. I heard a great quote the day of the event. The speaker said, "If you don't have the courage to do what God has asked you to do, don't worry about it. Just do the thing you would do if you did." So we did.

Dreams in Disguise

2008-01-21T15:56:00.000-08:00

When you are the mother of four boys there are certain things you grieve because you know you will likely never experience them. You may never have those long conversations on the phone when they are adults just cuz. You will never shop as many stores as it takes looking for the perfect pair of shoes or pants. (The first store that has anything that fits is good enough.) You will never enjoy a chick flick together. You will never plan a wedding or shop for a wedding dress. You know that someday your primary role will be that of the mother-in-law and hopefully grandma.

I heard Annie Chapman talking on the radio about a new book she has written called, "The Mother-in-Law Dance." She commented that her daughter helped her in her research and noticed a trend in the data. Mothers seemed to have a much easier time in letting go of their daughters than their sons. She asked her mother why that was. Annie replied. "That's easy. Mothers never really have to let go of their daughters but they must let go of their sons." I think the phrase, "If you love them, let them go. If they love you, they will return" was written for moms and sons.

Sunday afternoon I took Dean and three of his friends to the Guitar Store to pick up the bass guitar that Dean has been saving for and talking about for six months. He finally had enough money and his friends were as excited as he was. So the four 12-13 year olds and I headed off to Wichita and I'm thinking to myself, "This is the equivalent of the wedding dress shopping trip for moms with boys!" I imagined the four young men as the bride and bridesmaids and me the mother of the bride. I saw their eyes pop out at the hundreds of guitars and watched them lovingly try on one after the other and imagined sequened dresses and fine lace. I saw them deliberate with care over which guitar would be the one to accompany Dean into this new adventure. Red or blue (instead of white or off-white). Padded or leather strap (instead of strapless or with straps.) It really was very fun and heartwarming and they even expressed their appreciation multiple times for the trip and the fried chicken and ice cream that followed.

It was good to realize that my moments may not be the ones I automatically think of as a female, but they are still there if I will just remember to look for them.

Christmas Traditions

2008-01-11T18:04:00.000-08:00

I was just challenged in a blog my sister recommended to write about a favorite Christmas tradition. I actually had already thought about doing this so that encouragement was just what I needed to finally pick up my blogging "pen" again after a too long hyatus.

Every year we do a scavenger hunt on Christmas Eve. Mark writes these clues that are so corny (terrible). Half the giggles come from us making fun of his complete inability to rhyme using real words which leads to his desperate attempts to make up words to force a rhyme. (For example, “Who knows, maybe you should look in the tub. It might be in there bub.”) Dr. Suess he ain't. Anyway, these clues send the boys all over the house and doing different tasks.

This year they had to build a miniature snowman and bring it in for hot cocoa. We always stop and play a game (our new annual favorite is Whoo-Nu). Sometimes they have to clean the house or set the table along the way depending on how much we got done in preparation for family the next day. We read or tell the Christmas story. This year, each person said one sentence. After Dean's turn, the next person would have to say, "But way before that..." and go back and fill in major parts of the story he skipped hoping he could get to his gift faster. We sing songs. This year Drew accompanied on guitar and Grant on piano. That was Micah's favorite part. We also open a special gift box (thanks Des) with different items that represent the gifts we have in Christ. We try to guess the gift. For example a toy telephone represents prayer, and then you look up the scripture to see if you’re right. Depending on when we start the hunt (which depends on what all is going on with family Christmas Eve) we may watch a movie together. (The hunt can take hours or minutes depending on the clues.) A favorite has been "A Muppet Christmas Carol" but we couldn't find it this year. So this year we watched "The Christmas Miracle of Jonathon Toomey" on DVD. This has been a favorite Christmas story book for several years so it was great fun to watch it. At the end of the hunt, their gift is always pajamas. Then the boys open their gifts to each other. (The part Dean couldn't wait for.)

At 15, I wasn’t sure how Drew would be with the hunt this year. But much to my delight he was just as enthusiastic as always and trying to teach 2 1/2 year old Micah what the whole thing was about. Micah was pretty clueless about where everyone was running off to next. Dean, at 12, was actually the one who was acting a bit too cool for the whole thing. It made me so glad we had started this tradition when they were all young and made me wonder if the future might involve a grand scavenger hunt with grandkids! How fun!

In my blog reading leading to blog reading leading to blog reading (hmm, is there a cool cyberword for that I'm not up on? "Bleading" sounds kind of gruesome but sure fits) I found some other great traditions. One was a "Jesse Tree" which I have always been intrigued by but they looked like so much work. This one looked more doable and so meaningful.

The other idea was an envelope for each day of December hung like a garland and inside each envelope is an idea of how the family will spend some time together. I'm thinking I should do that for a year of Sundays instead of December since December is so hectic with school concerts, games, Christmas parties, etc. Or start it on the first day of Christmas break.

I also loved the idea of wrapping all the Christmas story books and having them in a basket and unwrapping one each day of December to read.

What a blessing to have a 2 year old who gives us the excuse to create some new traditions like these. Now all I have to do is remember them for the next 300 days!

The Sadness and Humor Paradox

2007-12-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

I recently attended the funeral of my friend's 43 year old brother who died of ALS. He was diagnosed only six months ago. Normal prognosis for ALS is 3 to 10 years so this was a particularly agressive form. He left behind his wife and three beautiful daughters.

There were many wonderful moments at Kirk’s funeral but these two will stick with me a long time.

His brother Kasey told this story:
His wife, Angie was evidently quite distraught one evening before he died and crying, saying she did not know how she would make it without him. She depended on him for everything. Kirk’s response was: "Angie, I don’t want you to grieve forever. I know you will have to sometimes. But when you do, please picture me holding your face gently in my hands, looking deep into your eyes, and saying to you, ‘Get over it!’”

Another story Kasey told:
Kirk’s mom was telling Kirk that she knew he would be so much better in heaven and would not miss them at all but how much they would miss him and it would be so hard to go on living without him. He replied, “I can understand that. I wouldn’t want to live without me either. I’m glad I won’t have to.”

What a gift, that in the midst of such suffering and pain, to have a sense of humor so developed that it can’t help but continue to come out. What a trust one must have in Jesus to allow it to. May we all find much humor in 2008!

Three weeks before he died, Kirk and his wife, Angie, spoke to their church in Olathe. It is recorded and posted at the church's web site. It is powerful.

Milestone

2007-12-05T20:04:00.001-08:00

I can't believe how fast time goes between these entries. I had to stop today and commerate a huge developmental milestone in Grant's life. Anyone who is not Grant's mother probably won't realize how huge this moment was, but believe me, it has been long awaited.

Grant has always been VERY verbal. So verbal, in fact, that as his mother, I find myself saying, uh-hmm, okay, ah, mmm, periodically without much conscious comprehension of what I am hearing. When he was little I used to say he didn't have a thought he didn't express. After awhile, you can't listen to every thought that comes into a 3-5 year old brain. You just can't! As he's gotten older, he doesn't express every thought but he loves to replay his day or a book he's been reading. The only problem is that he gets very bogged down in the details. I think he wants you to feel like you are there, so he spends a great deal of time describing small tidbits of information in the scene to the point you can't remember who he was talking about or what the plot is.

Two weeks or so ago, he was immersed in describing the details of his most recently read novel. Finally, after a twenty minute description (and we had yet to establish a plot) I bravely said for the first time, "Grant, stop. You have completely lost me. You need to give me the back of the book cover version, hit the high points. I know you want me to feel like I've read the book but that will only happen if I read the book. Give me the big picture." I could tell he was hurt and I felt like a terrible mother. But at nine years old, I felt like it was time he started to learn to summarize!

Well tonight, he was telling me about another book they read in class and he started down a rabbit trail but stopped himself and said, "But that isn't important to the story so I don't need to tell you about that." Yeah! And I actually stayed engaged in the story and I understood the plot and we moved on to another topic in less than five minutes! My premenapausal brain was happy. And just as important, Grant was happy because his mom was able to say at the end of his explanation, "That sounds like a really good story."

Like I said, this may not sound that momentous to all of you but it is a huge step for the relationship between this 40-something mother trying to juggle too many thoughts and tasks and her 9 year old son. To give 20 minutes of undivided attention to anything is difficult at best, impossible on average. I'm so excited to be able to meet this need Grant has to be connected in this way without feeling like I am so obviously not up to the task. And I'm so proud of Grant for taking to heart what I said, even when he didn't like it, and adjusting his communication style to accomodate his brain-weary mother.

Boys and their Toys

2007-11-20T18:33:00.000-08:00

My sister's latest blog inspired me to post this poem I wrote several years when my kids were about the age her kids are now!

My Boys and their Toys
by Cherilyn Dahlsten

My boys and their toys are a mystery to me
What will excite them is known only to the three
But to we gift givers, grandparents included
Often the perfect gift is illusive

They tear off the wrapping to get to what’s new
Gaze at the contents and say, “Wow! Cool!”
“It’s just what I wanted. Look what I got!”
“It’s the one I loved, the one I sought!”

For a week, sometimes two, they’re thrilled with the gift.
It’s way at the top of their ‘glad to have it’ list.

But then in days to come, it’s placed on a shelf
Or on the floor where it stays ‘til I move it myself
It’s not that they’re tired of it and are complaining, “I’m bored.”
No, they’re playing and enjoying their toys galore.

Their toys, their creations – things not found in stores
Swords made from sticks, their arrows from limbs
Jetpacks, really backpacks, their imaginations whims
Their blankets become capes so they can soar through the air
“Mom, can we have that box we found in there?”
We need it, for we’re hunters you understand.
And there’s a rabbit we saw whose capture we’ve planned!”

My silverware has half-disappeared
And if it returns it’s rather dog-eared
It’s been put to use somehow but in what way I don’t know
My pirates or treasure hunters had need of it though.

Every belt in our house has a new job description
It may tie up a bad guy or be a leash for a kitten.

Pillows and cushions for couches and beds?
You must be joking! But they make great sleds!
And forts, soft landings, nests, and water,
And trampolines, stepping stones, ways through hot lava!
Stack them all up and they’re a gymnast’s delight
(Now you know why they’re no longer white!)

Dental floss, yes dental floss, is a favorite of mine
Its Spiderman’s web and Batman’s bat line.

They’re not ungrateful for the loot they receive
It sometimes finds a role in a plot they’ve conceived.
But their pleasure in playing it seems to me
Is in creating, inventing, where their minds are free.

Toys with too many whistles and bells
Have only one use, one purpose, and it sells.
But two days later they’ve figured it out.
It’s lost all its glamour; it’s lost all its clout.

Deep down in their hearts they understand
Things don’t satisfy, they never can.
May the knowing grow stronger, as they grow up
You God, are the only one, who can fully fill their cup.

Don't Overthink It or You'll Miss the Precious Present

2007-11-18T11:52:00.000-08:00

I was helping a friend at the beginning Sunday School so rather than go in late to class, I went to the "prayer closet" at our church and began to write out some options for how my day might be spent (too many options, too little day) and opened my Bible for some needed comfort and direction. I found Isaiah 42:16-17. From The Message it reads: "I'll take the hand of those who don't kow the way; who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall in the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them - sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute."

All of these things I know but my head seems to insist that it can figure out what is ahead if I simply think harder. Which in turn leads to an anxious heart. You see, nearly every part of my life seems to be in transition. There is very little territory (if any?) where I say, "Oh, that. I know how to do that. This is where I'm comfortable." I've never raised a 2 1/2 year old and teenagers at the same time, trying to give adequate attention to both needs. My ministry at our church is changing. My work has completely changed. My 40 year old body is changing. And I spend a great deal of time trying to figure out where it is all headed. I'm the kind of person who likes to know the destination so I can lay out the plan on how to get there. Give me a goal, and I'll figure out how to achieve it.

The "problem" with life right now is I don't know where I'm headed and I don't know how long these transitions will last. I keep thinking these transitions are in the way of some new life instead of realizing they ARE life. I keep thinking there is some answer I need to know that will show me the next step to take rather than just resting in the fact that I have a personal guide to direct me through the unknown country.

I talked with my friend Judie after church. (See previous blog entry.) She's going through some transitions of her own and offered this advice from her husband. "Don't overthink it." I grabbed onto that like a life raft. She reminded me that if we overthink what we cannot control we miss the precious present. That's exactly what I do! I'm going to put that on my refriderator! Thank you God for such simple but needed words from a friend.

The other picture God gave me was in a moment between a daddy and his little girl. Jada was dedicated in our church today. She is barely 2. During the praise and worship time, I noticed Jada in the corner of my eye. She was curled up close to her daddy's chest with her head on his shoulder. Then suddenly she flung back and hung upside down while her back and neck rested on her daddy's arm. She had this look of pure, abandoned bliss. After a few moments, daddy would pull her close to him and she would snuggle for a minute before throwing herself back again. Once or twice, she would be the one who would reach for him and he would pull her tight again. Jada had no fear that daddy would let her go. To her, hanging upside down was a great adventure her daddy was letting her have.

Life for me feels upside down right now. Things I have counted on and gotten comfortable with are being stripped away. New things are taking their places. But it is an adventure my Abba is letting me have. And He will hold me tightly and snuggle me close as needed to assure me He's got me and won't let go.

Bentley 1989-2007

2007-11-15T19:43:00.000-08:00

We laid Bentley (the cat) to rest yesterday. It was time. I held him while he died in the vet's office. He was purring because I was holding and stroking him and it made me feel bad that I hadn't spent more time petting him in the weeks leading up to this day I knew was coming. He was too tired to even care that he was at the vet's, the place that normally would strike fear in his heart and cause him to wail loudly. This day he was too tired and worn out to do more than rest in my arms and purr at the unexpected attention. I don't really think of myself as a "pet person" but Bentley was with us from our second year of marriage. He has had more children pull his tale, carry him around, spray him with water and chase him than most and always understood that it was his role to tolerate it or find a place to hide. He didn't receive much attention from me once the kids came along but he seemed content to just be around and part of the family. Rest in peace Bentley.

The Casserole Fairy

2007-11-07T06:13:00.000-08:00

Those who know me know the past few months have been tough. I sense God is using this time to show me some things I need to let go of and I am in the process of understanding what those things are. He is also leading me to new things and that equation makes for tremendous pressure until I figure out what and how to let go.

Monday I did not have time nor energy to think of what we might have for supper Monday night. Mark would be the first one home and although I was relieved to know he would think of something, I also felt somewhat guilty. However, when Mark arrived home, there was a casserole in our refridgerator with a note, "Cook at 350 degrees for 45 minutes." Wow, what a blessing. My friend Des had brought us supper.

I called her later to thank her. I told her, "When you lose a tooth, the Tooth Fairy comes. When you're losing your mind, the Casserole Fairy shows up." Who knew? What a blessing to have such wonderful friends.

If ever you are wondering what to do for someone and can't think of the perfect gift, you can never go wrong with a casserole. Thank you God for how you let us know you are mindful of us in our lowly estate.

I ran across this verse this morning in Proverbs 11:25 that sums up perfectly how God works. "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. "

Too Much Power

2007-10-21T20:28:00.001-07:00

You know a 2 year old has too much authority in your home when you hear the following conversation:

"Mommy put me nigh-night."

"Daddy wants to put you nigh-night."

"No, mommy put me nigh-night."

"But daddy will be sad."

"Be sad daddy."

"You'll make daddy cry."

"Cry daddy. Be sad daddy. Mommy put me nigh-night."

"Will you give daddy a kiss?"

"Yes. Mommy put me nigh-night." Kiss

Howey Cow

2007-10-18T19:35:00.001-07:00

Micah's talking a blue streak these days. His latest phrase is "Howey Cow!" as in Holy Cow. You may be wondering if he appropriately interjects this charming phrase. I'll let you be the judge.

Tonight at supper, he asked, "What for supper, mom." I replied, "Look and see." Micah replied. "Howey cow. Dat soup!"

I gave him a banana to which Micah urgently said, "I open it!" I gave it to him and he worked very deliberately to remove the peel. The tip at the bottom was a bit brown so he started picking it off and said, "Howey cow, dat gwoss!"

The boys were all home from school today so when Drew came upstairs this morning, Micah said nonchalantly, "Howey cow, Dew's here."

We have these two adolescent kittens that we haven't managed to get rid of. Occassionally they are waiting by the door and try to get in when you open it. This happened to Micah the other day and he said, "Howey cow, Charm. Go out."

He was squeezing toothpaste on his toothbrush and quite a bit came out. He said, "Howey cow, too much!"

You get the idea. I don't know if it's as funny in writing as it is in person but I still laugh every time he says it. So I guess I'm getting my laughter prescription refilled daily. That's a good thing!

The boys and I went to have pictures taken today. They were thrilled to spend their day off in this way! (not) But they were good sports and got to go to Dick's afterward for their basketball shoes so it wasn't all bad. They turned out pretty good. You can view a slideshow of some selections below of the unedited versions (not cropped or zoomed).

Return to Righteousness

2007-10-14T18:48:00.000-07:00

For those who have followed this blog, you may recall my question to my friend Judie about righteousness. (See Sept. 26th entry.) Today she shared this verse with me from Hosea 10:12.

"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers righteousness on you."

We were talking today in Sunday School about hard to break bad habits, our "unplowed ground", the things we don't let God get ahold of and have His way with. But if we seek righteousness, we must allow Him to break up our unplowed ground, no matter how hardpacked. He promises if we seek Him He will come and shower righteousness on us and we will reap the fruit of his unfailing love.

I have a feeling that's just the tip of a very large iceberg that God will teach me about righteousness. But I loved the verse and thought it was a good one to chew on for awhile.

Crazy Quilts

2007-10-12T05:47:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile since I've found to write. My tea is beside me, my house is quiet (Micah is still asleep and the others have left for school) and how I needed this moment of peace. The past two weeks have been a blur. My friend and c0-worker's last day at work was two weeks ago and she entered the hospital on October 3rd. Her battle with cancer has been winning of late and while we still hope for a miracle, it is likely that the battle is coming to an end. But as I told her, that means real life begins for her while the rest of us remain in the shadowlands, missing her. I already miss her deeply. We have worked five feet apart for ten years.

Grant said, "It must make you sad to lose a friend who you've finished each other's sentences for ten years." I said it does and asked how he knew that. He said, "When I hang around I listen to things and then I bring them up later." I wonder what else he has heard.

Grant has been very volatile these last two mornings and last night on the way to piano he started talking to me about how many times I've almost died. (Four that I know of but he only knew of two. I didn't tell him about the other two.) He doesn't really know Vickie and this is affecting him. Think how her grandkids must feel.

What God has shown me more than anything through this time is how amazingly varied life is. Like a mult-colored crazy quilt. Some want their quilt to be made in a specific pattern with coordinating, store-bought fabric and they want to be the designer. But real life is a quilt made up of a scrap from here and a scrap from there. Each scrap was taken from an experience that brought meaning to your life, whether through tears or joy. Each one brings back a memory of a person, a lesson learned, a trial or a triumph. Each one is a different shape and a different texture. In our hands these scraps look like so many rags. But in the hands of God they are sewn together in a pattern that is rich and warm and full of depth and strength. If we see our experiences through God's eyes, we can look forward to the next piece, knowing that God will make it beautiful and use it in an important way in His design. But if we keep looking longingly in the store window at the quilt that follows rhyme and reason, we miss the beauty of what God is doing.

My grandma made several quilts from scraps. I never got to ask her the story of this fabric or the other. But I always wanted to. God has given me the richest friendships at this point in my life. I know the stories of some of their scraps. And I see how God is putting them together beautifully. And when it comes right down to it, perhaps that is what life is all about. Knowing and being known by God and others. Not trying to act like we are a coordinated, store bought fabric quilt and just coming clean with the fact that God is sewing our scraps together. What an amazing gift to wrap up in our warm scrap quilts with a good friend and tell the stories of our pieces and how God is knitting them into a beautiful thing.

A friend sent me this speech from Anna Quindlan. She says it way better than I. Vickie and I have been so fortunate to have had a rich friendship and working relationship. We have been through a lot of scraps together. Her quilt is almost finished. Her life will be numerous beautiful pieces in mine.

This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of at American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD.

"I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk or your life on a bus or in a car or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul. People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and them to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre, at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger. Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work.

Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.
It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face.

Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived".

We've Got Spirit, Yes We Do!

2007-09-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

You may recall from the earlier entry the furry hat (Q-tip hat as Mark calls it) that Dean brought home from the Middle School auction. Well this week was Spirit Week and the final day, Homecoming Friday, called for Retro Swather Day. So here you see Dean in his retro band uniform ready for school, Q-tip hat included! I'm told that he made it all the way through 1st hour before disrobing down to a Swather t-shirt and shorts. He made his entrance, but the polyester on an 85 degree day proved too much of a challenge!

Good Job God!

2007-09-28T20:23:00.001-07:00

I remember when Grant was about Micah's age, there was a beautiful sunset as we were driving somewhere and Grant said, "Good job God!" Yesterday, as we were coming home from Grant's piano lesson, there was a beautiful sunset, Micah piped up, "Good job God! Mommy yook, good job God!" I am convinced that preschoolers are somehow wired for praise!

Today, I had classical music playing and Micah came into my bedroom to get me and said with great excitement, "Urry mommy. Urry! Big song mommy!" The song was very majestic and exciting and Micah could not contain himself. We had to dance around the room and play "rosie". When the legato portion came and the tempo slowed, we danced with him in my arms for awhile. Then Micah said, "No gato (legato), mommy. Big song!" Sure enough, a few seconds later, the a tempo resumed and this time we chased in circles.

After my experience with Grant, God showed me this verse and I have never forgotten it. PS 8:2 "From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise." One of the best things about having young children is the reminder to stop and enjoy God's gifts and to praise God with no inhibitions and to say whenever the thought comes to mind, "Good job God!"

Judie

2007-09-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

My friend Judie spoke last night at our women's group, sharing her Life Story. I love to hear Life Stories! I always learn so much and last night was no exception.

Judie is one of the most humble, spirit-filled, kind, generous people I know. You'd never guess that she started her marriage over 40 years ago (at 18!) as stubborn, strong-willed and a bit rebellious. God has done a mighty work in her and He has done it through His word. Her life changed when she determined to know and love His word more than she loved her own ideas. And what a journey it has been!

She shared several scriptures with us which I had read before but her stories of how they reshaped her life gave them new meaning to me. This entry is in hope that they will impact you the same way.

She shared how her journey with the word began with Proverbs 2:6. "For the LORD gives widsom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding." As a young wife and mother she did not have the kind of wisdom and knowledge she needed in her own strength to do either well. God sent her to His word and gave her this promise that she would find everything she needed for both tasks in Him.

Her grandmother told her mother of Judie when Judie was a girl, "I think if she met a brick wall, she'd go right through it." Judie said she met her brick wall when she married her husband and she had no luck going through it. So God gave her this verse, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. HONOR one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10 She began to ask herself every day, every hour, does what I'm about to do or say HONOR my husband? This began to transform her marriage and she applied the same verse to her children and saw growth there as well.

She also found so many nuggets in Romans 12 she memorized the whole chapter which began a love for memorizing the word. (I need to read Romans 12!)

Through His word, God sent her on a quest for righteousness. He used Proverbs 21:21 to encourage her that the journey would be worth it. It says, "He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor." And Isaiah 32:17 says "The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." What great promises! I didn't ask Judie how she would define righteousness. It is so mult-faceted in my mind. It's hard to describe. I'll ask her and let you know what she says.

Little did she know how soon she would need this quietness and confidence. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and facing a mastectomy. God gave her this verse in Psalm 34:4,5,8 : "I sought the LORD and He answered me. He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant. Their faces are never covered with shame. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."

When fear gripped her heart, God gave her Isaiah 40:10. "So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Judie is one of my heroes and mentors. I look to her for guidance and help. She never supplies these things in her own strength. She is a vessel that is fully consecrated to God and when I seek her out, I find a word from God. Those times when I am too overwhelmed to pray myself, when I can't see the forest for the trees, I know that if God sends me to Judie, she will pray with spirit and with the power of God's word.

She ended by challenging us all with I Peter 3:15. "But in your hearts set apart Christ as LORD. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." Implied in that verse is the fact that our hope must be on something unchanging, unending in its power and reliability and unfailing. That can only be God and His word.

Snapshots

2007-09-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

You know how there are those moments in life when you would do anything for a camera. But the moments is too fleeting and you know by the time you ran and got it, the moment would be gone. I don't know if it was hormones, bio-rhythms or what, but this morning I woke and felt all was well with the world. Perhaps days like today are happening every day and I am missing them. I hope not. But today, there were several snapshot moments. I captured nary a one on film but I'm determined to memorialize them in writing. I wish I had written them down as they came.

Micah got new tennis shoes and he told me "I wun fast" in them. He pulled my hand to take me ten feet farther south so I had a clear view of the whole kitchen. "Tay wight dere, mom. I go fast" he commanded before zooming all the way to the far cabinet and zooming back. He did indeed go very fast!

At naptime, I was getting Micah's bottle and changing his diaper when Micah informed me, "Dew put me nigh-night." I said, "You go ask him." Drew was downstairs in his room reading. At first Micah wanted to go by himself but then he grabbed hold of my hand and we progressed to Drew's room. When we arrived, Micah pointed to the doorknob which he can't open by himself. After I opened the door, he rushed in and exclaimed, "Urry up, Dew. Urry up! Uh-mon, Dew!" Drew of course had no idea why he was being summoned so I told Micah to tell Drew what he wanted. Micah looked at me blankly so I said, "Ask him your question." Ah hah. The light goes on. He looks back at Drew and says, "You put me nigh-night." Drew replies with a big grin, "You want me to put you night night?" to which Micah nods excitedly. Drew rises from his bed, scoops Micah up and off they go for story time, snuggling and bed. Too precious. Thank you Lord.

Dean walked down the driveway after being at Keegan's all day with a very tall, very furry band hat on. The school district had had an auction today of stuff they wanted to get rid of and this is what Dean came home with! Evidently, no one bought it at auction (imagine that) so he got it free! Keegan got one too and they plan to wear them on spirit day Friday along with some old band uniforms that Keegan has! What a hoot!

Dean and Keegan also made up a new game for the trampoline - Dance, Dance Revolution. They take the boom box out and try to outdo each other with their "dance moves" on the trampoline. I think Dean is trying to get ready for his first big dance in middle school!

Grant's friend, Robbie, and Grant were playing on the trampoline with light sabers, dodging and slicing, when up comes Micah wanting to "zump". They begrudgingly agreed and Micah had a blast. They all got off and moved to the sand box. Now Micah and Grant have light sabers and Robbie now has a broom stick. They teach Micah a few moves and have a three-way sword fight. Then Micah starts playing on the slide and swings in the hammock swing for awhile while the fighting persists around him. After a time, Micah heads toward the house. He passes a ball and, after another step, realizes his missed opportunity and returns to kick it before continuing on. He comes in and is desperate for a snack of "pepils". I finally figure out it is pretzels he wants. After rounding up a satisfactory alternative (pepils are all gone) Micah tells me, "Good zob mom."

Micah discovered a huge black and gold butterfly on the zinnias. He of course squeels and shouts and chases it away but it must love the zinnia nectar because it hovers around this noisy, blond interruption to see if it might be safe to dine again soon. As soon as Micah quiets down, he lands for another sip when the whole adventure begins again. Only this time, Micah takes off after it as it launches for its hovering tactics. It remains just beyond his reach and seems to be playing with him. He leads Micah far enough away from home base that he can return for another drink before Micah can get close again. This went on several times before the butterfly left in exasperation. He soon returned, however, when Micah was distracted. Robbie and Grant had watched the game and this time Grant sneaked up quietly, caught the gluttonous butterfly and showed him to Micah so he could take a closer look. More squeels and excitement then the very nervous butterfly was released.

Grant and Robbie played all afternoon and then we had supper. Since I had to make a quick trip to the grocery store anyway, I had picked up marshmallows and chocolate for smores. After Micah was in bed, we made a fire in the firepit. (Dean's friend Keegan was also over.) We were roasting away when Robbie said, "I LOVE roasted marshmallows but I've never roasted one over a real fire before!" This of course raised some eyebrows and we asked how he had roasted marshmallows. Robbie lives with his mom and two sisters in an apartment and they have enjoyed roasting marshmallows over a gas stove but he had never experienced a campfire before. He was so excited and probably ate way too many marshmallows but it was too fun to watch him enjoy the experience so much. A bit later, he said, "It might be easier at this time of night for me to just spend the night. That way you wouldn't waste any gas taking me home." Robbie is precious to us and to Grant. Grant led Robbie to Christ in first grade on the playground and he has been coming to Hide 'N Seek ever since. He is a tender hearted boy and we love him.

Mark had a long day of tennis arriving home at 7:00pm so he missed most of these moments. But he was able to enjoy the campfire with us and an exhuberant "DADDY HOME!" from Micah when he arrived home.

Blessings

2007-09-11T06:16:00.000-07:00

September 10, 2007

Last night was such a gift from God. We finally did not have anything on our calendar that evening. No tennis, no practice, no rehearsal, no church, no meeting. We were all there at the dinner table and Mark and I were of one accord in telling Dean, no, he could not go be a ball boy at the college soccer game because there had been so few nights when we were all home. Then the phone rang. It was for Drew. A couple girls from the worship team needed his help learning some songs. Uhgh. They really did need his help. Worship team would lead the youth group in two days and these girls were new to the team.

“Tell them you’ll call them back.” Okay, what should we do? “What time?”

“7::20pm.” It’s now 6:00pm. That gives us an hour of togetherness. I sigh, “Okay, tell them you can.”

Dean screws up his face. “What? How come he can but I can't? I wouldn’t have to be there until 7:30pm.” I almost cave since Drew’s going to be gone anyway but Mark says, no, Dean needs to stay home and hang with us.

Then the blessing. At 6:50pm the phone rings and it’s one of the girls saying they have cheerleading at 7:00pm and won’t be able to practice. Turns out they thought they said 6:10pm but somehow Drew got 7:20pm so we’re all home after all!

Dean’s still mad so I ask him what he would like to do as a family. “Watch football.” Standard answer at our house, especially on Monday night, and once again I feel like I’m the only girl – which of course I am so I should stop being surprised.

About a month ago I implemented the “no more TV or game station or computer games until we all memorize Psalm 19” rule. I have actually been amazed at how unmotivated we all have been to memorize this Psalm (it’s not that long) and how little, for the most part, we’ve missed these electronic devices. However, football season is now upon us and I’m wondering if Mark will start to give in. I waited for his response. Neutral.

I need to get a couple things at the grocery store before it closes so I leave with a “find a game we can all play. I’ll be right back.” I wonder if Monday Night Football will be what I hear when I return. But instead Grant is playing “The Entertainer” the best he has ever played and Drew and Dean are taking turns on the guitar. Grant had written a story from the perspective of Lewis and Clark’s dog that I read with him. (Very cute.) Then we headed downstairs to play Apples to Apples. We managed to play several rounds between Micah’s tackles, kisses and making messes of the cards. (Micah thought the real game was us all sitting in a circle so he could go from person to person jumping in laps and giving kisses.) Mark took Micah off to bed and Drew disappeared.

Grant had retrieved these small cards I had set by the dinner table in hopes of spurring some meaningful (read girly) conversation. Thank you Grant! They all started, “If you could do anything, what would you do if” then you flip the card to see the scenario. Things like “you could invent something that changed the world” or “you could own any kind of store” or “you could change life for the poor.” Grant, Dean and I went through several questions. Then the question “What would you do if you could give the ultimate gift for the person to your left” came up. By this time Mark had returned. He wished to give me the gift of understanding that there is a lot of testosterone in our house and every now and then he needs to hear my ideas on how to spend an evening and encourage the boys not to roll their eyes at me. Amazingly, he had already given me this gift. After a few more questions and answers, Mark took Grant off to bed but Dean and I talked and talked for the next hour or more, about school, soccer, girls, church, heaven, football, friends, and the upcoming dance.

It was a lovely night but we so easily could have missed it. The gravity of our culture could have stolen it away. It yells, “Go, do, let me entertain you.” The TV could have dominated our conversation. Activities could have stolen our time together. Even the desire to help others can corrupt a precious time as family. I’m so glad I didn’t give in, that I fought against cultural gravity and testosterone. And amazingly, I think the boys are too.

2007-09-06T06:02:00.000-07:00

New York City Trip 2007

Friday, August 31

We were due to fly out of Wichita at 2:10pm but our flight was oversold by four. We offered to get bumped when we heard we would only be delayed an hour AND receive five round trip tickets to anywhere in the continental U.S. We ended up arriving in NYC two hours later rather than one, but still all in all a very good deal! Since our luggage went on ahead it was ready and waiting when we arrived so we grabbed it and a taxi and arrived at our Embassy Suites Hotel by 11:00pm ET.

Saturday, September 1

One of the highlights of our stay was the amazing breakfast buffet at our hotel. Every morning they served made to order omelets or scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, rolls, muffins, bagels, fresh fruit, yogurt, cereal, oatmeal, coffees, teas, hot chocolate, pretty much everything you could think of for breakfast. We stuffed ourselves and grabbed an apple or pear and some yogurt to go and usually we weren’t hungry again until after 1:00pm or 2:00pm.

This was our “day pass” day at the US Open so we could get in the gates at 10:00am. By the time we navigated the subway (after a few wrong turns) I think we were there by 10:45am. It’s an amazing environment. It kind of reminds me of an Olympic Village. We watched some doubles on the outer courts then ended up finishing the day in Louis Armstrong stadium. We really like the flexibility of the day passes and if we ever go again, we definitely want to do that again.

We left around 6:30pm and stopped at Grand Central Station for supper and looked around. We caught a $7.00 cab back to the hotel that ended up being $15. (I think Mark’s tennis friend did not realize how far south our hotel was!) Every time the five of us step on a subway, it’s $10 so we thought the cab would be a better deal and it still was since we didn't have to figure out which way to turn when we exited the subway!

Sunday, Sept. 2

We didn’t get a real early start this morning and we didn’t have a real plan for the day. We started by meandering down along Battery Park along the harbor and enjoying the beautiful morning. We thought we would eventually come to the ferry to the Statue of Liberty or a tour bus company. We decided we should take the tour bus because it included the ferry ticket and would take us all around town for 48 hours. We were looking for the Gray Line but found City Sights instead. After purchasing those tickets we headed back to Battery Park and the ferry only to see the line so long we didn’t think we’d have time to do it justice and still make our Open ticket time. So back to the tour bus only this time we got on the wrong bus! We ended up on 1 ½ hour tour of Brooklyn guided by a former communist turned socialist turned democrat (see, evolution is true) Jew who grew up in Brooklyn and thought of himself as part tour guide, part stand up comedian, part singer and part world peace negotiator. As we drove through the neighborhood he told stories from his childhood and basically tried to convince us that Brooklyn was heaven on earth. As he drove through the Muslim-occupied neighborhoods he pointed out the Chinese restaurant and offered it as proof that all nationalities like Chinese food and if he could just sit down with world leaders over wantons and Szetchuan Beef, he was sure he could negotiate world peace.

We began to understand why he wasn’t working broadway, comedy clubs or at the UN and why his audience was held captive on a tour bus and made up at least partly of people who spoke little English.

A frustrating 1 ½ hours later we found a bathroom (no small feat in NYC) and the right bus and headed uptown. This time our guide had laryngitis and we strained to hear her descriptions of the passing skyscape. We got off in Times Square and immediately were incorporated into the human stream. We made our way to ESPN Zone and Toys R Us and were overwhelmed by the mass of crowds and noise. I asked the Toys R Us attendant if it was extra busy for Labor Day and she said, no, this was typical. They actually had traffic attendants with bull horns in Toys R Us. We decided we’d had enough and made our way to the relative peace and quiet of the subway for our trip out to Flushing.

This night we had reserved seats in Arthur Ashe stadium. We decided watching the meet from the blimp would be similar to our seat location. Both the matches were blow outs so the crowd was pretty tame and the atmosphere subdued. We connected with Beth a couple times and she and Mark took a picture holding the Lindsborg News Record for Ron. They were supposed to take it with another couple Lindsborg State Tennis winners but they had front row at the Grandstand in a tough five setter and they weren’t vacating their seats for the big news release.

We left before the matches were over, around 10:00pm and entered our busiest subway yet. A few stops down a very tipsy late 50’s/early 60ish woman entered who asked the guy beside her (who was beside Drew) if she could hold onto him. He agreed and she proceeded to make suggestive comments and repeated at least three times how a stranger can be your best friend. Our next stop brought two girlfriends who began fighting, cussing and throwing punches. Someone "helped" them off the train at the next stop. (If they hadn’t gone, we would have.) When we finally disembarked, Drew said, “I just saw a rated R movie on the subway! Welcome to New York.

When we got off the subway, we didn’t realize how close we were to the hotel and walked 3 blocks in the opposite direction before we figured out how to flag a cab (just stand on the corner and hold up your hand) to take us back to our hotel around 11:30pm.

Monday, Sept. 3

I told the boys at the end of this day, “we should write a travel brochure called “How to See NYC in 12 Hours!” We finally started to get the hang of this city and realized having a plan at the start of the day is way more efficient than just figuring it out as you go along.

We left our hotel about 9:15am (after another very satisfying breakfast) and walked past Ground Zero which is only a couple blocks from our hotel. We couldn’t see a lot as they are starting construction work on the Twin Tower’s replacement. Then we hailed a cab (we’re getting better!) and went to the Statue of Liberty Ferry. The line was very short and passed quickly with the help of a street musician who made fun of us, Kansas, the Jayhawks and Wildcats and the fact that we probably had no black people in our town! He really was funny and very learned. He knew a lot about most of the places people revealed were their homes.

We arrived at the island, took our touristy pictures, purchased our traditional Christmas ornament souvenir to commemorate the trip and headed for the ferry to begin our journey to Ellis Island. We were just congratulating ourselves on being at the front of the line as the ferry we were to board was unloading when we were asked to get off the dock and those left on the ferry hurredly disboarded. There was some confusion but no panic as the crowd was pushed back, back and still further back until we were 500’ from the boat. The police came by boat and helicopter and an hour later pronounced all is well and everyone boarded the ferry as though this happened every day and we shouldn’t worry our little heads about it. All in a days work in NYC I guess. We never heard for sure, but I’m guessing it was a bomb threat. I’m glad it wasn’t September 11th.

We arrived at Ellis and looked around some. I could have spent much more time there. They had a live 30 minute play, several documentaries as well as the research room, all of which we did not do. We did have time to use their computer to do a quick search and turned up a positive on Henry Holste, immigrating in 1913 so that was cool! We didn’t find any Dahlsten’s, Habigers, Johnstons and Lynn’s in the set of records where we found Henry. But you can also submit recent photos to the database if your family immigrated through Ellis and we found plenty of those names under that database, more than we had time to look through.

We ate lunch at the Ellis Island café then caught the ferry back to Manhattan and our bus took us uptown to the American Museum of Natural History. It was an excellent museum as far as the exhibits, I liked it even better than the Smithsonium. But I have never been to a museum more steeped in evolutionary promotion than this one. It was in nearly every exhibit. It would be interesting to go back in 10 years after evolution is completely disproven to see how they cover the fact that they promoted the equivalent of “the earth is flat” to so many millions of people. We only had two hours before the museum closed but thank goodness the ticket is “by donation” so we felt like we got our $20 worth.

From there, a walk across the street brought us to Central Park where we began our stroll across from the northwest to the southeast corner. Grant was in heaven climbing the large bolders/mini mountains. In spite of the fact that we had been walking all day, it was like his energy was renewed by the green space with boy adventures awaiting around every turn. Drew and Dean couldn’t resist either. Grant proclaimed “I’ve been waiting the whole trip for this!” It made me think of all the other 9 year old boys who don’t know what they are missing in the Midwest! We enjoyed the sights and sounds and the ice cream (even though it nearly broke our teeth.) After reentering the city, we found a large Sabarro recommended by the tour guide. It was excellent and reasonable!!! It had an amazing salad bar as well as pastas. We then headed to the Top of the Rock (Rockefeller Center) for a view of the city to end our day. This time we turned the correct direction getting off our subway and had no trouble finding our hotel. Finally, on our last night!

As we were watching the news, their teaser headline was “Will the cab drivers really strike?” which put fear in our hearts since that was our way to the airport the next morning. Upon watching the full story, they are due to strike on Wednesday, not Tuesday so we are leaving in the nick of time!

It was a great and memorable trip but we were all ready to go home. Our trips always make us appreciate home a little more. New Yorkers were much friendlier than I remembered, the city much cleaner and I really felt safe most of the time. The city has changed a great deal in 20 years but it is still New York. Still crowded and noisy and expensive. Great place to visit but I sure wouldn’t want to live there. I think the boys would go back someday. There are things we didn’t get to do that they have already said they would like to someday. But for now, they’ve had enough of NYC to last awhile.