TMI

For those of you who didn't immediately understand TMI, it stands for Too Much Information! That could be my life's theme. Or as Emily said, "too many rabbits on the trail." If I could only program my brain to think about and ponder one thing at a time, perhaps I might absorb something.


What, you might ask, is prompting this raving? I went to a class tonight and learned the difference between beliefs and feelings from a chemical point of view. The mind and the autonomic nervous system (the source of feelings) often clash. The mind thinks and reasons. The autonomic system "thinks" but does not reason, it merely responds to stimuli and is then programmed to respond that way to similar stimuli. Hence the ache in your gut when you think about a conflict that you feel you handled appropriately but still feel sick about it. Your mind tells you you did the best you could but your stomach still hurts. Perhaps in the past you have learned that your best efforts may still result in broken relationships and even though your mind learned how to handle conflict from this, your gut is now programmed to expect the worst and grieve the broken relationship or fear it will happen again.


We learned that if your autonomic system gets "stuck" there, irregardless of what your mind says, you cannot move forward into the "peace that passes understanding" or victorious living unless you reboot or reprogram the autonomic system. This reprogramming can happen through the use of accupuncture points (no needles) and through scripture and prayer.


The thing that is really wowing me though is the understanding that when we are born, our autonomic system and mind are one in the same. The mind is not yet capable of thinking differently than the autonomic system. We just react to stimuli and feeling. (Think terrible twos and my sister's phrase "never try to reason with a 2 year old) Not until children are about five years old does this separation occur at a functional level (and sometimes not even then.) So the things our chilren take in from 0 to 5 are so crucial because they are programming the autonomic system. But the other thing that occured to me, is that if we are not developing the mind, we will delay this development and the autonomic system will run rough shod over them throughout their lives. This can also happen if a particular trauma which brought strong emotions never is "reprogrammed." It can control a person's life because they are "stuck" or, chemically speaking, blocked.


This explains to me why children who are placed in front of television where stimulation and feelings and wants are fed to them day after day are so damaged. They are rarely asked to think critically about anything they see and so often they are surrounded by the teenage angst of Hannah Montana or Zach and Cody where every feeling is followed without regard to rationale thought. Then between scenes, they are taught to be anxious about how they look, how much stuff they have (or don't have) or fed a jingle that will program them to respond to a product in a certain way. Their autonomic system is bulked up while their minds and rational thought are either withering or conforming to the programming of their feelings. 99 times out of 100 this programming will not match with the Truth and will lead to chaos, confusion and pain. Just as the enemy intends it.


Micah demonstrated perfectly this brain development today. I found a Superman costume on sale and he was very excited to try it on. After getting all decked out, he said he needed to go outside. I asked him what he was going to do but he said, "I just need to go." I followed him and watched from the front door. He just stood there looking at the street. Pretty soon he turned around and looked at me with such a sad, puzzled look and said, "I can't fly mom." He had the saddest look on his face. His mind just learned something he had not known before and it did not match with his feeling that it was Superman's costume that would make him fly. Of course this realization had to come at some point. It's part of how this separation of mind and gut occurs. But how painful to watch. And if this realization is painful, how about when children are told by their parents they are loved, but experience the pain of divorce and separation. The mind and gut split.


He also addressed how powerful music is in this area as well. How often do we hear kids say, "I don't listen to the words, I just like the music." This is because it glides past the mind and straight to the autonomic system, creating powerful feelings and emotion in us. If this emotion matches with Truth, not a big problem. But if it does not, you set yourself up for internal conflict which causes stress, which causes disease.


When we constantly feed our autonomic system (medicate it so we feel better) with television, music, distraction, people who affirm our feelings, we are turning down the volume to the Holy Spirit and Truth. The speaker said it takes weeks of "turning off the noise" to regain the ability to hear God's voice again. And we must be careful to weigh that voice against the Word of God to understand where the autonomic system (our feelings) have led us astray.


How important to build silence into our lives and the lives of our children. If I let them, my children would fall asleep every night with their iPod in their ears. I have always thought this was wrong but I did not fully understand why. Tonight I have a much better understanding. It also explains to me why our culture is so bent on selfish pursuit rather than sacrificial good. If what you know to be right does not match with what you have programmed to "feel good", you will be in conflict and folllow the feeling rather than the belief. Eventually your belief will change to match your feeling unless your autonomic is reprogrammed with the truth. And if we constantly feed our feelings without training our mind in the truth, we will live in conflict, chaos and pain.


Like I said, TMI. And this was only the tip of the iceberg of the discussion tonight. If I bored you, so sorry. But in order to keep other rabbits from invading the trail, I wanted to write some things down to help solidify in my own mind what I learned and you have the "priviledge" of coming along for the ride.


PS A completely unrelated Micah funny: Since the weather was cooler for awhile, Micah had been wearing jeans. I asked if he needed help unbuttoning to go to the bathroom the other day. He said, "No, but I will maybe need help onbuttoning."

Update - Finally!

It's been so long since I've written I'm sure any who had been checking this site have long since given up that I will ever post again. I certainly can't blame you. It seems every time I go to post, something interrupts be it life, technical issues or lack of energy.

It has been a fast and furious summer. We started with lots of ball games - basketball and baseball, and summer camp for Drew. Everyone but Micah participated in Mark's tennis clinic and Mark and Drew painted a few houses. Micah loved having his brothers around and their friends. I will say that all the boys' friends are SO good to Micah and don't act like he's a pain or a bother. Micah helps in that he doesn't constantly want to be with them and just checks in occassionally. I can't believe I didn't get a single picture of Micah of the trampoline with various crowds of teenagers and ten year olds. What was I thinking?

Micah has grown up so much this summer. He has lost his little pudgy legs and has turned into a little boy. He now wants to "play with my friends". He is not going to be content just hanging around with mom this fall after having such a busy social life this summer. Thankfully I have several friends with children his age who are in the same mode. So a play date is always an option. I did not enroll him in preschool because his age group is Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and I didn't want to wear him out when we have such a busy ball game schedule during the school year. But I think we may have to get him enrolled in story hour or something to satisfy his social needs!

His imagination has also taken off. A favorite game is David and Goliath and he is happy to play both rolls. (It's just as fun to fall over dead as it is to sling the stone.) At first when he played he would tell Goliath (as David) that he was stronger so we had to talk about the story in a bit more detail until he understood that God is the one who made David strong to kill Goliath. Now we say:

Goliath: I'm going to kill you with my sword!

David: Your sword is not as strong as the Lord!

Grant has also turned into a social bug, especially since we got back from vacation. He spent a lot of time with cousin Daniel in June during the weeks we called "Camp Hesston." They did Mark's tennis clinic, a basketball camp and took swimming lessons together. Some of his good friends has plans in July so when we returned from vacation it was like he had gone through withdrawl. They have been pretty inseparable this past few weeks. His best friend, Robby, and he are in the same home room at school so they were pretty exicted!

Dean, of course, did not need to turn into a social bug as that has already been firmly established as part of his personality. He and Keegan (best friend) had opposite vacations all summer so their time together was not as much as either would have liked but it meant we saw more of Dean and also that he spent more time with other friends. Dean has been a huge help with Micah this summer! He and four friends have recently started a band. I have yet to hear them (they meet at the drummer's home) but I've heard that they are progressing nicely. They're planning a fall concert so I'll let you know.

Drew has also been a huge help this summer. He always has such a great attitude when I ask him to babysit. He's pretty content to be home. He really goes in spurts. He might spend all day and evening with friends and then spend a couple days at home just hangin, playing music and playing with Micah. Then he'll plan a campout or movie night with friends again. He certainly is not one who has to be on the go all the time and seems to innately understand how to balance activity and rest. I am actually a bit worried about him this year because I'm not sure he's going to be able to maintain this balance if he stays as involved as he is planning. This is his list of responsibilities for the year:

Student (of course)

Stuco Rep

SADD Co-chair

YAR (Youth as Resources) member

Youth group worship team member

Youth group member

Hesston Singers member (with numerous performances and two major shows that require weeks of evening rehearsals associated with that)

Three sports - XC, BB and Tennis

I keep telling him to evaluate whether he's in over his head and we can figure out a way for him to back off of something. Of course the year is just starting and he says he's okay. He had three meetings the first week and has 7:30am Singers Practice every morning but sports practice doesn't start until Monday so we'll see. Part of me knows how much this helps with scholarships but I also don't want him to overdo. Pray that we can find a balance.

Mark has seemed more stressed for a first week of school, more tired, especially considering tennis practice hasn't started yet. So I'm not sure what that is about. I guess I need to ask him, huh!

Our vacation to Michigan (and six other states) was amazing. I'm hoping to blog on that later. (I actually had planned today until I fiured out half my travel journal somehow got deleted - ARGHH!) We had such a blast! I was not ready to come home. It was so refreshing to have no internet access. A perfect excuse to not check my e-mail and as a result I had no idea what was happening back at work. I knew they would be fine in my absence but now they know too! It really allowed me to reboot my brain and let it rest from constantly thinking about a hundred different things and just really be present in the moment. It was incredibly refreshing but hard to return to the constant bombardment of schedules, house maintainance, cooking, work demands, yard maintenance, etc, etc, etc. I loved the slower pace. It's so hard to figure out how to build that in to normal life. God knew what He was talking about when He said we needed a day of rest. I have really come to realize that this summer and have made a concerted effort to set Sundays aside for that purpose.

Anyway, that's the update. Sorry no pictures. Hopefully next time.

Colorado Vacation

I actually started this post a couple weeks ago and when I was almost done, I hit some BAD key and poof, the whole thing was gone. I've was so discouraged I haven't been able to blog since. So here I am, back on the horse again.

I just wanted to share a few pictures from our trip. It was not our typical Colorado vacation. Not nearly enough isolation (overdeveloped Avon) wooded trails (covered in snow still) and streams (roaring rivers) and hiking (3 year old) for me. So we ended up paying for fun instead of just exploring. Not good for the vacation budget but still created some good memories.

This is our condo. We did end up listening to a time share presentation to get the 4 nights free in a future Sheraton stay. I would definitely not go back here unless I was skiing. It would be a great location for that.
Since we were not nestled into the side of a mountain but instead located on a busy street, the boys did way too much of this.
We went up to Beaver Creek Village where they had Blue, Brews and BBQ going on as well as the normal fair of bungee trampoline, wall climbing and putt putt which seems to be the standard fair for summer fun at a ski resort. No alpine slide though. The three oldest did the wall climb. It was actually a pretty challenging climb on the right side.



Grant stuck with the left side. They made it to the top!All four took a stab at bungee trampoline, even Micah. You can see video at the bottom of this post. Micah thought it was great. Drew had a great time while he was doing it but got very motion/altitude sick when he got off. He missed putt putt in favor of the men's room. He felt better when he got some brisket in him!




Keeping score is not even worth it when Micah is on the course. See the snow in the background!
Micah found this friend in a general store.
Grant had to conquer this river. Micah desperately wanted to try but we all knew how that would end up.
They had a tent set up with crafts for kids. Micah and Grant enjoyed that.
Micah made a mask...
...and a guitar (with which he became inseparable! Picture stepping onto an elevator and seeing a paper guitar rockin' three year old in a mask!)
Grant made a hat.
There was a great park nearby with a fishing lake and a playground. We spent quite a bit of time here, especially Micah and I.



We went to Eagle and went bowling one night. We found a coupon in one of the flyers they have around. It was a GREAT place. Drew was so wishing we had something like it in Hesston. I told him he needs to take the Entrepreneurship class before he graduates and make it his project to find out what it takes to build and run a place like this.

Micah's first bowl stopped just shy of the pins. This meant the manager had to climb down and get it. He enthusiastically offered this ramp for Micah's use! Micah loved it! And we loved it because it meant the rest of us got a turn! You can watch the other video below of his strike!
They serve our pizza on this table so we eat while we bowl. They had a great menu of pastas and salads as well. If you're curious, check out their web site.The next day Drew, Mark and Grant went to Hanging Lake. This time it was Dean who didn't feel well. It was a forty-five minute drive to get there but there really were no trails open around us. But it was worth it!



When they got back we celebrated Micah's 3rd Birthday!
Tuesday was Glenwood. Notice how few people there were. The weather was perfect. I was so sorry I didn't get a picture of Micah's tent. We set a small tent up on this hill above the pool under a tree for Micah to take his nap. Of course I had to lay down with him. It was so great. The temperature, sleeping on the side of a mountain under a tree, cuddling and reading books. A great memory.

Remember the bubble chairs? They are still there and still only 25 cents!This might be the only picture with me in it! And how lovely I look, NOT!
Video time!

Toilet Trumpet Voluntary

Brings new meaning to tooting on the toilet, don't you think?

Do you want to hear the concert for yourself? Click the play button below!

A Rare Quiet Moment

I didn't really plan to stay home from Sunday School but here I am. And I must say, that irregardless of how good Sunday School might be today, I think my soul needed the peace and quiet more. It is a beautiful, sunny, so far windless day. Perfect day for sitting on the deck and listening to the birds and blogging a bit.

Mark had a new record of high school graduation invitations this year, 41! It's not as bad as it sounds as some are having their celebrations together. We covered six in one stop yesterday. There's enough difference in the times, that he just may make it to all them them. (I didn't go to all of them. I spent most of the evening helping Des with her son, John's.) Of course we can't get a gift for everyone, but he does write a personal note to each one which takes a lot of time. Hopefully they appreciate his effort. He is well loved and it is gratifying to see someone who so obviously loves what they do and have the kids respond to him in this way. Even after doing that job for 21 years he has lost none of his enthusiasm.

I must admit that I'm freaking out knowing that this graduation thing will be at our door step in two short years. We've been taking Drew to these open houses the past 15 years. It's hard to believe his turn is so close. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I talked to a friend who assured me that even as we grieve the end of one season, we can be assured the best is yet to come. I trust her because her two boys and one girl are grown and gone with only one daughter left at home. She'll be a senior next year. So I'm trying to believe her and not my feelings.

I am starting to realize that I don't have time and energy for all things and that I must pick and choose carefully or I will miss what is really important. I know, you would think I would have learned this earlier, and actually I have, many times. The problem is, I have to keep learning it. And things come up - a little here, a little there - and it's like the frog in boiling water. All of a sudden, you're thinking, "Man, it's hot in here!" My recent diagnosis of Adrenal Fatigue confirmed what my mind and body had been screaming - something's gotta give! So I am looking for ways to make my world a bit smaller, at least for now. To really focus and be present in the NOW and not worried about keeping so many balls in the air. I don't want to miss a minute.

Micah turns three next week. It has gone by in a heartbeat. A month later Drew turns 16, beat-beat, that fast. What a great young man he is becoming. I'm so proud of him. And what great things he has learned by being Micah's big brother. If there is an award for Best Big Brother, I can't imagine he wouldn't win. I am in awe of him.

If I'm going to make it to church, I need to get in the shower. Singing praise songs always fills my soul so I don't want to miss it.

April Update

I haven't written for awhile. It has been an incredibly busy month and quite frankly, I'm a bit numb. The last month I've gone to more tennis tournaments than I can count, a few flag football games (Grant), a piano recital, wrapped up Hide 'N Seek including our final program, struggled to only work 3 days a week in the office resulting in many hours from home, our new "Vickie" started at work (her name is Jan) as well as a couple others we hired, took a business trip to Phoenix, and planted our garden to try to reduce the grocery bill and tried, unsucessfully, to keep up with grocery shopping, housework and meals. Last weekend was our final HNS performance and Drew and Dean both wrapped up their tennis seasons. Mark still has a couple weeks left. The next three weeks bring youth group dinners, tennis banquets, middle school open houses (yes, Grant is "graduating from Elementary School), field trips, high school college credit enrollment (yes, Drew can begin earning college credit!), Mother's Day, baby showers, bridal showers, graduations and open houses, more new employees and FINALLY a vacation - to Colorado - over Memorial Day weekend. Some people dread the busyness of the holiday season. For us, that season is April and May.

This season has always been busy for us, but add to it the demands of a two year old, two boys in tennis as well as the coach, working an extra day, being in a new position and being an employee short for the past seven months has been enough to send my adrenals into the critical zone. My doctor called with that news last week. So, my job for the next six months at least, is to figure out how to rebuild my adrenals as well as figure out how to reduce my stress. Since I'd like to keep the kids and the marriage, I'll be doing a lot of praying about what of the other needs to go.

Micah and I spent quite a bit of time outside planting flowers and putting in the last of the garden. I finally got my floor mopped and a couple phone calls made. If you looked at my house, you would wonder what I did all day because it definitely looks unattended. But it seems that even when I give it attention, it still look as though I didn't 15 minutes later, so might as well leave it as is and enjoy the sunshine, right?

Usually I am looking forward to summer and really, I still am. But it brings so much activity and chaos as well as shoes, towels, toys, books, balls, music, noise, food, dirty dishes, unending trips to the grocery store and friends all over the house all the time that I must admit, I'm feeling the anxiety of it creeping in. I hope I have enough time to regroup before it all hits. Otherwise, I may need to go away by myself for a few days to restore sanity around late June. I'm going to need to put in some strict chore lists and standards. It doesn't help to write "pick up the house" if their standard is "but I'm going to use that raquet again tonight" and "but the towel is drying on that chair" and "but I thought Drew was going to eat that cereal too". That's the trouble with not being here everyday to maintain. It can get really out of hand in a very short time and then I walk in and feel completely overwhelmed. Which is basically where I am now. So hopefully this will pass before May 22nd.

I know I have much to be thankful for. My children are healthy, our families are doing well, wonderful friends, great community, fabulous church. So many, many blessings. Just writing that makes me feel more at peace. But I do sense God calling me to find the still waters as best I can in this next season and take stock. Two short years before Drew graduates. Two short years left with Micah before kindergarten. Too precious to not be intentional about savoring every moment. I tend to stretch myself very thin serving in a myriad of ways - particularly at work and church. It is hard to say no to things I know I can do and would enjoy. But I must remind myself that every yes I say somewhere else, often means a no to my family in some way. We have pulled together well this past eight months but it was intended as a season and it's time to regroup. I know God has new and wonderful things in store but I must let go of some of the old to make room for the new. That's a good thing.

The Life of Micah as Captured by Drew

Drew took Micah on a photgraphic adventure last night. It didn't start out as the plan. They were playing in Micah's room and they both came out asking for the camera. Drew said, "You gotta see this!" followed by Micah's "Yeah mom, come see me." I followed them into Micah's room to see Drew turn Micah's crib mattress into a Micah-swatter (think fly swatter) with Micah looking like a squished bug with his head peaking out. From there the game was on and they went all over the house setting up photo ops. It was pretty hilarious. Micah was exhausted when all was said and done and came begging for someone to "put me nigh-night!"

They even did costume changes!

...and commerative photos

...and photos with special effects!