Stories from the season

It's been quite awhile since I've written so I'm guessing no one is expecting anything four days from Christmas so I'm probably rambling only to myself. But that is okay because that is what I needed to do today. The last four weeks have been so busy. The holidays are of course part of that but so is more basketball games than I can count, friends in need, year end work demands and a house that never, ever seems to clean itself, but rather just the opposite. Thankfully we have remained healthy.

A couple funny things I wanted to get down before I forgot. Micah's friend Anna has a new baby brother. The day before the big arrival I told Micah Anna's baby was going to be here very soon.

He asked very seriously, "Momma, when is our baby going to be here?"

I said, "We're not having any more babies, Micah. You are our last baby."

"I know!" he said with great excitement! "When Drew grows down HE can be our baby! Anna, I'm going to have a baby too when my brother Drew grows down!"

Problem solved, happiness restored.

The other funny story was when Drew and Micah recently were making a fire. They had both carried in firewood and pretty soon Micah came back upstairs asking for paper. I told him he didn't need any paper, he should use the fire starter log instead. He insisted he needed some paper.

I asked, "Are you wanting paper so you can throw it on the fire and watch it burn?" to which he nodded his head, yes.

I said, "No, you can't do that anymore. I know you did it before but that is dangerous and we are not going to do that anymore. I already gave Drew a big speech about it so he knows." Serious as can be, Micah replied, "Mom, Drew burned that speech."

"He did?" I asked.

"Yeah mom, yesterday. He burned it."

One more story. Drew and his Hesston High Singers group went caroling the other day. They caroled at several nursing homes in the area and then at Bank of American in Wichita and at The Olive Garden (in their tuxes and formal dresses.) Drew of course did not share this story with me but a friend did whose daughter, Tavia, is also in Singers.

They were caroling at Schowalter Villa and went into the room where one of the singers' great grandmother lay in a bed, not doing well after two falls the week before. By her bedside was her son (grandfather to the singer) and while they sang, he continued stroking his mother's hair. As they continued, he began to cry and Tavia realized she was about to cry as well and looked around nervously at the group to see if she was going to cry alone. Her eye first caught a boy across from her and tears already streamed down his cheeks. As she looked around the group, nearly all had tears falling as they continued to sing their song.

I cried as she told the story. I was so touched that this man had allowed these young people into this precious moment in that way and that they had recognized it for what it was - a reverent moment. What an amazing gift to them. Normally their trips to their next stop were filled with laughter and joking but Tavia said it was quiet as they headed to their next destination.

As always this time of year, I struggle to find balance between what is truly important and what is not and getting everything done without gritching around too much. My mom gave me a great birthday present yesterday - her presence. She came and wrapped gifts all afternoon while Mark and the older boys were gone. She endured the craziness of my busy life and messy home and acted like she didn't mind. It was a true blessing and took me from the edge of insanity to sanity again. She is why I have time to write this blog. That and the fact that I made all the boys clean house before they were allowed to go anywhere after church today. They were highly motivated since open gym is only from 2:00pm to 4:00pm today.

My next task is to make a list of all there is left to do in preparing for the big day and then putting someone's name next to every item - and making sure they are not all mine! I'm hoping the list is not as long as I think it might be.

Merry Christmas everyone! Love to you all!

Fall Rewind - Micah and Kenzie

I found this in my "Drafts." I guess I never got around to publishing it.


Micah, Kenzie and I went to the Arboretum on a perfect fall day last October and I shot these pictures of them. Aren't they just precious? The next day, every leaf on this tree was on the ground. It was just one of those moments when God pours out a blessing.






These two have so much fun together. Kenzie calls, "Maw-kuh!" and Micah answers, "Yes, Kenzie?" He adores her and I think she knows it! But she's pretty crazy about him too.

Words to Remember

Couple funny/sweet things that happened this morning.

Of course, the morning after Halloween, the first words out of Micah's mouth, "Can I have candy?"
Mom: "No, you need to eat breakfast."
Micah: "After breakfast can I have candy?"
Mom: "No, maybe after lunch."
Dad: "Micah, what do you want for breakfast?"
Micah: "I don't want breakfast, I want lunch!"

Smart kid!


It is GORGEOUS out today. As I was cutting Grant's hair I said, "I don't know if it would be possible to have a prettier day than this one!"
He thought then said, "Perhaps Christmas morning before the sun comes up with newly fallen snow that hasn't been disturbed and full moon shining on the snow."

Oh, okay. I stand corrected! Grant does not think like a typical 10 year old boy. What fun to be his mom!

Ramblings

I stayed home from work today with Micah who has a cold and Grant who had a sinus migraine headache - his first, poor thing. He called to me crying this morning saying, "My head hurts to much to walk!" So I helped him to the bathroom. He said, "Well there is good news. The light doesn't make me want to throw up any more." Can you hear the collective empathy from fellow-headache sufferers? I put him back to bed with a hot cloth on his head and a Motrin Sinus. Two hours later he emerged looking pale but feeling better.

It's amazing how fast the day can go when you're not doing much of anything. I've mostly talked on the phone to Jolyn, talked to Grant, talked to Drew (he gets home early on Tuesdays), checked my e-mail, started supper. I guess I did pick up a little bit and we went to the library. Sure feels like there's not much to check off as accomplished but Grant and I did manage to do a comparison of what Catholics believe about sin and what the Bible says. (Did you know the Catholics doubled the number of mortal sins recently? We heard it on the radio on the way to the library which prompted our discussion.) I think Grant has been glad for my ears today. I really need to carve out alone time with him because he really is such a deep thinker and very fun to talk to.

I also had an ephiphany! I'm sure you're looking forward to this amazing revelation. Here is is:

I realized why housekeeping feels futile in my house. When my friends with small children leave their house, their mess makers go with them and they return to find it as they left it. (This goes for you empty nesters too!) When I leave my house, my mess makers are often there without me, so I NEVER return to find my house as I left it, it is always worse. Hence, total FUTILITY! You would have thought this would have dawned on me before now, but no. I'm a bit dense. Not to mention the fact that my mess makers have taken over every square inch of this house leaving me only the dining room table as "my space" in the house. The one spot that I see from virtually every room in the house which of course drives me even more crazy!

So, the only answers I see, are nagging or acceptance. Surely there must be something in between!! Perhaps you can offer suggestions?!? I need answers! I'm psychologically defeated by the whole process! (Think Lucy on the candy assembly line!)

We are gearing up for the whole college thing. You might be wondering if it is a bit early but I don't think it is. Drew has NO idea where he wants to go to school or what he wants to major in. He's very capable of gaining some scholarships (MUCH needed) but a prerequisite for many, although not all, is having an idea of school and narrowing down interests. We're going in a couple weeks out to Colorado to visit Colorado Christian University outside Denver. We have been trying to look ahead at the few free weekends and days off we have to plan some visits around them. Our goal at this point is to awaken him to other reasons to pick a school besides tickets to a division 1 ball game!

If anyone knows of scholarships at their company, civic club, association, etc, please let us know!

Enough rambling for now. More another time.

God's manifest presence

My friend recently learned she has Hodgkins Lymphoma. Her doctor said, "If you were going to vote for the kind of cancer you wanted, this would be the one to vote for." That is one vote I think we would all pass on. She is six months pregnant. It was quite a blow to her and her friends and family. But it has been amazing to watch the faithfulness of God and how He is manifesting his presence in her life through circumstances, other believers and unbelievers. This diagnosis came Monday, and here is just a sampling of the things that have happened since.

She found out that a friend of the family had been through the exact same thing, pregancy and all, 8 years ago. Through that she learned there are three areas in the country that specialize in Hodgkins and one is in Omaha. She talked to her doctor here and he was thrilled she was researching and had found a group who dealt with pregnant women with the condition (very rare) and was very open to collaborating with them.

I had shared the following Paul Harvey story with her:

When the eagle sees the storm approaching, it leaves its nest with the expectation that the storm winds will push it higher and higher until it is flying above the storm in the warmth and light of the sun (Son). When the storm passes, it returns to its nest unharmed. Compare this to the chicken hawk who cowers against the cliff and allows the storm to buffet him, sometimes not surviving.

Just like Isaiah 40:31 says, "Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

This story meant a lot to her and she told her husband she was determined to face this storm like an eagle. A couple days later, she received this e-mail from her neighbor:

"I thought this was a very positive sign(as you know I am 1/100th Native American). There were two eagles soaring over your house today. No better word than soaring. They just stayed there. I have never seen eagles in this area before. They just were hanging out, making tons of noise and enjoying the nice sky. I could not figure out what the noise was until I noticed them over your house. As I said, that is a very positive sign to me( and I am a weird guy, but I took it as a sign!)

This was followed by another e-mail from a friend:

"Wow! This is incredible! You know it seems when you are in a crisis or trial you see God's hand in an amazing way. I remember in my depression, although I felt a deep sense of emptiness it was like God gave me signs along the way that He had not forsaken me. He knows how to show you in very personal ways that He is with you."

How true. I was telling Mark all the things that had been happening and He said, do you think these things are happening all the time and it's just that we're paying attention?" I kind of think it is God's grace being poured out in accordance with the need. It's why you look at someone and say, "I don't know how they can do that." It's because they are receiving additional grace for their need.

But wait, there's more! It seems every song I've heard has been for my friend, but one in particular stood out by Sanctus Real called "Whatever You're Doing". Here are the words:

Chorus:

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos, somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see

but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone

Time to begin again

Revaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow your will

or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is you want from me

I give everything I surrender...To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

That I've wanted to say for so many years

Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but I believe

You're up to something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but now I can see

This something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Something heavenly

It's time to face up Clean this old house

Time breathe in and let everything out

The part that caught my attention when I heard it was the phrase "You're up to something bigger than me." Before I could even share this with her, she called and told me that she had been up most of the night with a big dream God had given her. She said, "Is it possible to have the highest high and the lowest low in less than a week?" I answered, "Absolutely!" She had shared the dream with one of our pastors and he started laughing because he had e-mailed a few people with a dream of his a couple weeks earlier and it matched exactly her dream. Then I shared with her something our other pastor has shared with me several weeks ago and something Mark and I had talked about that also paralleled her dream! Wow! God is amazing.

But wait, there's more! I haven't even had a chance to share this with her yet. I listen to Chuck Swindoll on the radio on my way to work sometimes. He's been going through the book of Daniel. Yesterday it was the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abedniggo. I almost turned the station, so familiar I thought I was of the story. Of course we all know they refused to bow down to King Neb's golden statue and were ordered to death in the fiery furnace.

Here, I'll let you read for yourself:

16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual 20 and commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. 21 So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. 22 The king's command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, 23 and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.
24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, "Weren't there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?" They replied, "Certainly, O king."
25 He said, "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods."
26 Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!" So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, 27 and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.

Perhaps you, like me, had never caught the fact that the only thing that burned in the fire was what bound them! They themselves were not harmed by the fire but God used it to loose what had bound them and set them free. They didn't even have the smell of fire but their chains were gone. Wow, what a powerful analagy. Really makes Isaiah 43:2 come alive: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

I could go on but you get the idea. God is at work and it is amazing to watch. Please pray for my friend as you think of it. (I'm not going to share her name in this format.) Please pray also for those who know her, that we might be sensitive to God's voice as to how we can come alongside and help her.

TMI

For those of you who didn't immediately understand TMI, it stands for Too Much Information! That could be my life's theme. Or as Emily said, "too many rabbits on the trail." If I could only program my brain to think about and ponder one thing at a time, perhaps I might absorb something.


What, you might ask, is prompting this raving? I went to a class tonight and learned the difference between beliefs and feelings from a chemical point of view. The mind and the autonomic nervous system (the source of feelings) often clash. The mind thinks and reasons. The autonomic system "thinks" but does not reason, it merely responds to stimuli and is then programmed to respond that way to similar stimuli. Hence the ache in your gut when you think about a conflict that you feel you handled appropriately but still feel sick about it. Your mind tells you you did the best you could but your stomach still hurts. Perhaps in the past you have learned that your best efforts may still result in broken relationships and even though your mind learned how to handle conflict from this, your gut is now programmed to expect the worst and grieve the broken relationship or fear it will happen again.


We learned that if your autonomic system gets "stuck" there, irregardless of what your mind says, you cannot move forward into the "peace that passes understanding" or victorious living unless you reboot or reprogram the autonomic system. This reprogramming can happen through the use of accupuncture points (no needles) and through scripture and prayer.


The thing that is really wowing me though is the understanding that when we are born, our autonomic system and mind are one in the same. The mind is not yet capable of thinking differently than the autonomic system. We just react to stimuli and feeling. (Think terrible twos and my sister's phrase "never try to reason with a 2 year old) Not until children are about five years old does this separation occur at a functional level (and sometimes not even then.) So the things our chilren take in from 0 to 5 are so crucial because they are programming the autonomic system. But the other thing that occured to me, is that if we are not developing the mind, we will delay this development and the autonomic system will run rough shod over them throughout their lives. This can also happen if a particular trauma which brought strong emotions never is "reprogrammed." It can control a person's life because they are "stuck" or, chemically speaking, blocked.


This explains to me why children who are placed in front of television where stimulation and feelings and wants are fed to them day after day are so damaged. They are rarely asked to think critically about anything they see and so often they are surrounded by the teenage angst of Hannah Montana or Zach and Cody where every feeling is followed without regard to rationale thought. Then between scenes, they are taught to be anxious about how they look, how much stuff they have (or don't have) or fed a jingle that will program them to respond to a product in a certain way. Their autonomic system is bulked up while their minds and rational thought are either withering or conforming to the programming of their feelings. 99 times out of 100 this programming will not match with the Truth and will lead to chaos, confusion and pain. Just as the enemy intends it.


Micah demonstrated perfectly this brain development today. I found a Superman costume on sale and he was very excited to try it on. After getting all decked out, he said he needed to go outside. I asked him what he was going to do but he said, "I just need to go." I followed him and watched from the front door. He just stood there looking at the street. Pretty soon he turned around and looked at me with such a sad, puzzled look and said, "I can't fly mom." He had the saddest look on his face. His mind just learned something he had not known before and it did not match with his feeling that it was Superman's costume that would make him fly. Of course this realization had to come at some point. It's part of how this separation of mind and gut occurs. But how painful to watch. And if this realization is painful, how about when children are told by their parents they are loved, but experience the pain of divorce and separation. The mind and gut split.


He also addressed how powerful music is in this area as well. How often do we hear kids say, "I don't listen to the words, I just like the music." This is because it glides past the mind and straight to the autonomic system, creating powerful feelings and emotion in us. If this emotion matches with Truth, not a big problem. But if it does not, you set yourself up for internal conflict which causes stress, which causes disease.


When we constantly feed our autonomic system (medicate it so we feel better) with television, music, distraction, people who affirm our feelings, we are turning down the volume to the Holy Spirit and Truth. The speaker said it takes weeks of "turning off the noise" to regain the ability to hear God's voice again. And we must be careful to weigh that voice against the Word of God to understand where the autonomic system (our feelings) have led us astray.


How important to build silence into our lives and the lives of our children. If I let them, my children would fall asleep every night with their iPod in their ears. I have always thought this was wrong but I did not fully understand why. Tonight I have a much better understanding. It also explains to me why our culture is so bent on selfish pursuit rather than sacrificial good. If what you know to be right does not match with what you have programmed to "feel good", you will be in conflict and folllow the feeling rather than the belief. Eventually your belief will change to match your feeling unless your autonomic is reprogrammed with the truth. And if we constantly feed our feelings without training our mind in the truth, we will live in conflict, chaos and pain.


Like I said, TMI. And this was only the tip of the iceberg of the discussion tonight. If I bored you, so sorry. But in order to keep other rabbits from invading the trail, I wanted to write some things down to help solidify in my own mind what I learned and you have the "priviledge" of coming along for the ride.


PS A completely unrelated Micah funny: Since the weather was cooler for awhile, Micah had been wearing jeans. I asked if he needed help unbuttoning to go to the bathroom the other day. He said, "No, but I will maybe need help onbuttoning."

Update - Finally!

It's been so long since I've written I'm sure any who had been checking this site have long since given up that I will ever post again. I certainly can't blame you. It seems every time I go to post, something interrupts be it life, technical issues or lack of energy.

It has been a fast and furious summer. We started with lots of ball games - basketball and baseball, and summer camp for Drew. Everyone but Micah participated in Mark's tennis clinic and Mark and Drew painted a few houses. Micah loved having his brothers around and their friends. I will say that all the boys' friends are SO good to Micah and don't act like he's a pain or a bother. Micah helps in that he doesn't constantly want to be with them and just checks in occassionally. I can't believe I didn't get a single picture of Micah of the trampoline with various crowds of teenagers and ten year olds. What was I thinking?

Micah has grown up so much this summer. He has lost his little pudgy legs and has turned into a little boy. He now wants to "play with my friends". He is not going to be content just hanging around with mom this fall after having such a busy social life this summer. Thankfully I have several friends with children his age who are in the same mode. So a play date is always an option. I did not enroll him in preschool because his age group is Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and I didn't want to wear him out when we have such a busy ball game schedule during the school year. But I think we may have to get him enrolled in story hour or something to satisfy his social needs!

His imagination has also taken off. A favorite game is David and Goliath and he is happy to play both rolls. (It's just as fun to fall over dead as it is to sling the stone.) At first when he played he would tell Goliath (as David) that he was stronger so we had to talk about the story in a bit more detail until he understood that God is the one who made David strong to kill Goliath. Now we say:

Goliath: I'm going to kill you with my sword!

David: Your sword is not as strong as the Lord!

Grant has also turned into a social bug, especially since we got back from vacation. He spent a lot of time with cousin Daniel in June during the weeks we called "Camp Hesston." They did Mark's tennis clinic, a basketball camp and took swimming lessons together. Some of his good friends has plans in July so when we returned from vacation it was like he had gone through withdrawl. They have been pretty inseparable this past few weeks. His best friend, Robby, and he are in the same home room at school so they were pretty exicted!

Dean, of course, did not need to turn into a social bug as that has already been firmly established as part of his personality. He and Keegan (best friend) had opposite vacations all summer so their time together was not as much as either would have liked but it meant we saw more of Dean and also that he spent more time with other friends. Dean has been a huge help with Micah this summer! He and four friends have recently started a band. I have yet to hear them (they meet at the drummer's home) but I've heard that they are progressing nicely. They're planning a fall concert so I'll let you know.

Drew has also been a huge help this summer. He always has such a great attitude when I ask him to babysit. He's pretty content to be home. He really goes in spurts. He might spend all day and evening with friends and then spend a couple days at home just hangin, playing music and playing with Micah. Then he'll plan a campout or movie night with friends again. He certainly is not one who has to be on the go all the time and seems to innately understand how to balance activity and rest. I am actually a bit worried about him this year because I'm not sure he's going to be able to maintain this balance if he stays as involved as he is planning. This is his list of responsibilities for the year:

Student (of course)

Stuco Rep

SADD Co-chair

YAR (Youth as Resources) member

Youth group worship team member

Youth group member

Hesston Singers member (with numerous performances and two major shows that require weeks of evening rehearsals associated with that)

Three sports - XC, BB and Tennis

I keep telling him to evaluate whether he's in over his head and we can figure out a way for him to back off of something. Of course the year is just starting and he says he's okay. He had three meetings the first week and has 7:30am Singers Practice every morning but sports practice doesn't start until Monday so we'll see. Part of me knows how much this helps with scholarships but I also don't want him to overdo. Pray that we can find a balance.

Mark has seemed more stressed for a first week of school, more tired, especially considering tennis practice hasn't started yet. So I'm not sure what that is about. I guess I need to ask him, huh!

Our vacation to Michigan (and six other states) was amazing. I'm hoping to blog on that later. (I actually had planned today until I fiured out half my travel journal somehow got deleted - ARGHH!) We had such a blast! I was not ready to come home. It was so refreshing to have no internet access. A perfect excuse to not check my e-mail and as a result I had no idea what was happening back at work. I knew they would be fine in my absence but now they know too! It really allowed me to reboot my brain and let it rest from constantly thinking about a hundred different things and just really be present in the moment. It was incredibly refreshing but hard to return to the constant bombardment of schedules, house maintainance, cooking, work demands, yard maintenance, etc, etc, etc. I loved the slower pace. It's so hard to figure out how to build that in to normal life. God knew what He was talking about when He said we needed a day of rest. I have really come to realize that this summer and have made a concerted effort to set Sundays aside for that purpose.

Anyway, that's the update. Sorry no pictures. Hopefully next time.