No Light by Grant

Not very long ago there was a storm that affected an electricity pole. So many places in our town the lights were flickering on and off like fire flies’ light. At the elementary school the kids were like party animals at the biggest and best party in the world, and that’s not all.

When I got home, there was not one ounce of electricity besides things that run on batteries. Ever nook and cranny and everywhere in the house was cold. Specifically upstairs. For example, I almost got frost bites up there. However my big brother lit a blazing fire that illuminated the whole basement, and in addition to the fire we lit candles to help ward off the darkness.

When I saw that blazing fire I all of a sudden felt lazy and popped into a chair faster than you can say “sweet mashed potaters.” I didn’t do anything but read until my mom came home with Braum’s, and believe it not, I scarfed that stuff so fast I rivaled a pig.

The day wound down and we played Apples to Apples by firelight. But around 7:40pm we got power. The power eliminated our need for candles. So that’s the whole story about a tiny ice storm.

Who's on First?

We have joked in the past that for Micah's gifts we could get formica samples and put them on in lieu of a gift card because it's For Micah (formica), get it? Well today, Mark and Micah went to Kropf Lumber to pick up formica and we had our own Abbot and Costello routine going:

Micah: "What's that daddy?"

Mark: "It's formica."

Micah: "For me?"

Mark: "No, it's formica?"

Micah: "Sanks, daddy."

Mark: "You're welcome."

Micah: "Dew, look, it's for me!"

Drew: "What is it?"

Micah: "I non't know."

Drew: "It's formica."

Micah: "Yeah, it's for Micah."

Drew: "What is it?"

Micah: "It's for me!"

Drew: "It is? What is it?"

Micah: "Daddy, what is it?"

Daddy: "It's formica."

Micah: "Yeah, it's for me!"

It could go on but you get the idea. And, it came with bag of popcorn so what else could a guy want. It was pretty funny!

We were eating pancakes this week and the boys were trying to get Micah to say syrup. Micah says surabup.

Drew: Micah, say syrup.
Micah: Surabup
Drew: Say Sur Up.
Micah: Sur-a-bup
Drew: Say sur
Micah: Sur
Drew: Up
Micah: up
Drew: Sur-up
Micah: Surabup
Drew (refusing to give up): Sur
Micah: Sur
Drew: Up
Micah: Up
Drew: Sur Up
Micah: Sur Up
Much applause!
Drew: Syrup
Micah: Surabup
Much laughing

We're finally all healthy again. Drew had his last game last night, a heartbreaker against a rival private (think recruiting) school. I said, "Don't you want to have one more game to end on a good note?" He said, "Nah, it'm ready to be done." Well he's not quite done because he's practicing with the varsity as long as they continue through sub-state/state. Tennis starts Monday (yes in the middle of winter) so he'll have no break between seasons unless the weather stays terrible or the team doesn't play like we all think they should.

Dean has been taking his bass lessons and he and some friends are trying to put their musical efforts together. Since we don't own the trap set, I haven't heard them much but the family who does own the trap set invited us over to listen so we'll have to take them up on that.

Grant has had his nose in a book continuously for the past two weeks. He's either doing that or shooting baskets, inside or out.

Micah is feeling much better and back to his old self. You start to think they are just going through terrible two-dom and they are just going to be like that for awhile. Then when they snap out of it, you realize they just probably still weren't feeling well.

Micah's new word is "darnit." I have told Dean to cut it out of his vocabulary because it sounds terrible coming out of a 2 year old's mouth. Then I caught (okay, actually Micah caught) me saying it the other day. I had to immediately say, "Oh mommy was so naughty" and apologize to Micah. Yesterday Micah was trying to do something (can't remember what) and it was difficult for him. He said, "Oh, dr... Uhhhh. Mommy, I want to say darnit! Please can I say darnit?"

"No, Micah, that's naughty."

"Otay mommy."

Today, he was trying to get out of his carseat after returning with groceries. He got frustrated with his seat belt and said, "Oh goodness. Mommy I want to say oh goodness."

"Good Micah, that is good to say oh goodness."

"Sanks mommy."

I'm not sure how he came up with "oh goodness" but I think it's hilarious that even at such a young age, there is this NEED to have a way to express frustration. Aunt Carmen suggested her favorite, fiddlesticks. We'll work on that next.

2-25-08 Postscript: We've been trying out "widdlesticks." Micah wants to know where the widdle sticks are. He likes widdle sticks because they are fun to pound on drums.

The Crud

Okay, enough is enough. We have had one form of crud or the other for the past month and I'm ready to be done already! Does anyone know how to fumigate a house in a way that kills germs and not people? We have passed around flu, strep (twice), colds and coughs for what feels like forever! I have replaced 12 toothbrushes in three weeks and need to get another set of six this weekend. I can't remember the last time anyone was on antibiotic and now we have filled 8 prescriptions in 3-4 weeks. I cannot exactly remember the last time we were all healthy. I think it was Christmas vacation. Calgon, take me away!

I am so ready for sunshine and ultra-violet rays that kill anything in their path. I'm ready for boys who come in sweaty and smelly because they've been playing outside for hours instead of cold and feverish and lacking in energy. I'm ready to open the windows in stead of stoking the fireplace. Spring cannot come soon enough for me.

On a more humorous note, Micah has been adding new phrases to his vocabulary. He and his friend, Kenzie, recently spent a couple hours together. Kenzie was telling Micah a few things and when there was a lull in the conversation, he said, "Now my question is..." Only trouble was, he had no question. So he just said something silly. I think he thinks the phrase means, "It is now my turn to talk and I would like to use it." Kenzie thought the whole thing was quite funny so she followed suit and they took turns "asking questions" for awhile.

I tease Des that Kenzie is getting Micah ready to marry. She hollers out, "Miiiii-Caaaah" when they aren't in the same room. Micah comes running out and says, "Yes, Kenzie? Yes?" I said all he has to learn is "You're right dear" and he'll be ready. Of course it was at Kenzie's house that Micah dressed up in high heels, a Dora Princess Dress and crown so maybe he has a few other things to learn about being the man of the house before he's ready for marriage.

Dean finally saved enough for his new bass guitar and has started lessons this week with his band instructor. The band instructor is very excited for Dean to learn and is already making plans for Dean to join the jazz band later. Hopefully Dean will respond well to this encouragement and work hard at this. Dean works hard at sports but he tends to like everything else to be easy so this will be very good for him. Dean has a few weeks before tennis starts so we're really trying to focus on his guitar and get him off to a good start before his attention is divided. (Okay, so maybe that's one blessing from winter still continuing.)

Drew drove himself to the doctor this week. Somehow that felt like the equivalent of a first word or first step, like we crossed a giant milestone somehow. He just looks older now. He's back into the swing of basketball although he's had to miss two games with strep. It's very fun to watch he and his team play. He's having a great year on the court and off.

Grant has been shooting baskets non-stop. When there is no snow-ice he goes outside. When there is, he goes into a bedroom with an over the door goal or downstairs to the pull out goal that hangs on the wall. It is paying off because he has been scoring a good majority of the points in his games. He's also doing a lot of reading and piano playing and if I catch him watching TV it's usually the History Channel. He turned it off tonight though and said, "Mom, don't watch 'The Universe.' It's a bunch of lies. You know, millions of years and big bang and all that. Well I guess it did happen like that. Cause in the beginning God spoke and Bang, it happened." Smart kid.

I remember when the boys were younger and they'd start to go stir crazy in January and February I would make them put on their boots and coats and run laps around the house. Drew had to run something like 28, Dean 23 and Grant 15. They were probaby 4, 7 and 10. They looked at me in disbelief the first time I made them do it but then later, when I'd tell them they either had to stop wrestling or go run laps, they'd get their coats and boots on, assign each other the number of laps and off they'd go.

Now they don't wrestle as much. Instead they all play their instruments at the same time or wander from PS-2 to TV to computer to MP3 looking for something to pass the time. Thank goodness for sports practice. Lately the tennis raquets are laying on the floor every time I turn around. I think they must get them out just to look at them and hold them in anticipation of spring. Dean has gone to the college gym to hit and they did get out last weekend when we had a bit of a reprieve from winter.

Old Man Winter, it's time for you to move on out. I don't care what the groundhog says, you're overstaying your welcome! Bring on spring!

Sister Act

My sister, Carmen and I recently spoke at her women's event in Derby. It was a journey that began two years earlier, when after a deep conversation about past hurts and some groundbreaking healing, I distinctly felt God telling me that someday we would speak about what we had learned to women and sing a song together. I called Carmen to tell her my "vision" to see if she had heard the same word from God. "Absolutely not!" was her emphatic answer. I must say I was relieved to hear it!

Now we both know that was all part of God's grand plan to give us the confidence to move forward when, two years later, the opportunity to do just as He had shown us came about.

You can read our talk at my Hide 'N Seek web site if you want the unedited version. Be forewarned, there's even more there than we said that night since we quickly realized we'd be there until midnight if we said everything we had written.

The heart of the lies we believed were summarized in this portion of our talk:

Cheri: You know how there are those people who just have a way about them. When they tell the story, it’s funnier. When they sing the song, you feel it more. When they play the game, it’s more fun. Well, that is my sister. This was obvious to me at a very young age. So I was left trying to figure out where my value came from when I didn’t have these innate, intangible qualities that brought her such attention and affection. So I became the one who cooked and helped out and tried to keep the peace. And when I became good at these things, the lines were drawn, the competition established and the turf divided up. I don’t remember Carmen having a deep desire to cook and sew and earn money for her own clothes. But I do remember wanting to enjoy music or our neighborhood friends and feeling like I had crossed into enemy territory. So I wondered, “She knows me better than anyone and she hates me. So no one else could ever possibly really like me for who I am. They will only like me if I serve them.”

Carmen: You know how there are those people who just have a way about them. They have the ability to visualize something and then create it into being with their hands; When you have a decision to make you seek their wise council; When you need something organized and planned that is who you go to to get it done right. Well, that is my sister. Man, in my eyes, she never got in trouble and was always on the side of right. I was the extreme teenager, too happy, too sad, too funny, too sensitive, too cute, too dramatic…too much! I knew me in all my “too muchness” made her feel over-shadowed and I felt judgment and disappointment from her. So I wondered, “She knows me better than anyone and she hates me. So no one could possibly really like me for who I am. They will only like me if I tone it down a notch.” In the shadow of my strengths, she felt overlooked. In the shadow of her strengths I felt misunderstood.

We have finally come to realize that God created each of us in His image for His unique purposes and that the beauty we see in the other in no way diminishes the beauty He has created in us. But it's been a long road to get there. And the road could not have been navigated in our own understanding but only though the truth of God's word and a willingness on both our parts to find truth and healing.

Our talk focused on our "Thought Closet", a term borrowed from author Jennifer Rothschild in Self Talk, Soul Talk. We identified several lies we as women tell ourselves when we wallow in past hurts and bitterness, compare ourselves to others, or envy others' beauty thinking it dimishes our own, or when we live in a spirit of fear and anxiety. We then helped the audience to understand that we must RECOGNIZE the lie, REFUSE it, RELABEL it with the truth of God's word and REPEAT this process again and again until the lie is sucked dry and the truth lives large! You can read the lies and corresponding truth on the HNS web site. There is also a version for teens/pre-teens as well as one about the media.

It was God thing and that is always a good thing, never to be missed when He brings it your way, irregardless of the fear you must push through to do it. I heard a great quote the day of the event. The speaker said, "If you don't have the courage to do what God has asked you to do, don't worry about it. Just do the thing you would do if you did." So we did.

Dreams in Disguise

When you are the mother of four boys there are certain things you grieve because you know you will likely never experience them. You may never have those long conversations on the phone when they are adults just cuz. You will never shop as many stores as it takes looking for the perfect pair of shoes or pants. (The first store that has anything that fits is good enough.) You will never enjoy a chick flick together. You will never plan a wedding or shop for a wedding dress. You know that someday your primary role will be that of the mother-in-law and hopefully grandma.

I heard Annie Chapman talking on the radio about a new book she has written called, "The Mother-in-Law Dance." She commented that her daughter helped her in her research and noticed a trend in the data. Mothers seemed to have a much easier time in letting go of their daughters than their sons. She asked her mother why that was. Annie replied. "That's easy. Mothers never really have to let go of their daughters but they must let go of their sons." I think the phrase, "If you love them, let them go. If they love you, they will return" was written for moms and sons.

Sunday afternoon I took Dean and three of his friends to the Guitar Store to pick up the bass guitar that Dean has been saving for and talking about for six months. He finally had enough money and his friends were as excited as he was. So the four 12-13 year olds and I headed off to Wichita and I'm thinking to myself, "This is the equivalent of the wedding dress shopping trip for moms with boys!" I imagined the four young men as the bride and bridesmaids and me the mother of the bride. I saw their eyes pop out at the hundreds of guitars and watched them lovingly try on one after the other and imagined sequened dresses and fine lace. I saw them deliberate with care over which guitar would be the one to accompany Dean into this new adventure. Red or blue (instead of white or off-white). Padded or leather strap (instead of strapless or with straps.) It really was very fun and heartwarming and they even expressed their appreciation multiple times for the trip and the fried chicken and ice cream that followed.

It was good to realize that my moments may not be the ones I automatically think of as a female, but they are still there if I will just remember to look for them.

Christmas Traditions

I was just challenged in a blog my sister recommended to write about a favorite Christmas tradition. I actually had already thought about doing this so that encouragement was just what I needed to finally pick up my blogging "pen" again after a too long hyatus.

Every year we do a scavenger hunt on Christmas Eve. Mark writes these clues that are so corny (terrible). Half the giggles come from us making fun of his complete inability to rhyme using real words which leads to his desperate attempts to make up words to force a rhyme. (For example, “Who knows, maybe you should look in the tub. It might be in there bub.”) Dr. Suess he ain't. Anyway, these clues send the boys all over the house and doing different tasks.

This year they had to build a miniature snowman and bring it in for hot cocoa. We always stop and play a game (our new annual favorite is Whoo-Nu). Sometimes they have to clean the house or set the table along the way depending on how much we got done in preparation for family the next day. We read or tell the Christmas story. This year, each person said one sentence. After Dean's turn, the next person would have to say, "But way before that..." and go back and fill in major parts of the story he skipped hoping he could get to his gift faster. We sing songs. This year Drew accompanied on guitar and Grant on piano. That was Micah's favorite part. We also open a special gift box (thanks Des) with different items that represent the gifts we have in Christ. We try to guess the gift. For example a toy telephone represents prayer, and then you look up the scripture to see if you’re right. Depending on when we start the hunt (which depends on what all is going on with family Christmas Eve) we may watch a movie together. (The hunt can take hours or minutes depending on the clues.) A favorite has been "A Muppet Christmas Carol" but we couldn't find it this year. So this year we watched "The Christmas Miracle of Jonathon Toomey" on DVD. This has been a favorite Christmas story book for several years so it was great fun to watch it. At the end of the hunt, their gift is always pajamas. Then the boys open their gifts to each other. (The part Dean couldn't wait for.)

At 15, I wasn’t sure how Drew would be with the hunt this year. But much to my delight he was just as enthusiastic as always and trying to teach 2 1/2 year old Micah what the whole thing was about. Micah was pretty clueless about where everyone was running off to next. Dean, at 12, was actually the one who was acting a bit too cool for the whole thing. It made me so glad we had started this tradition when they were all young and made me wonder if the future might involve a grand scavenger hunt with grandkids! How fun!

In my blog reading leading to blog reading leading to blog reading (hmm, is there a cool cyberword for that I'm not up on? "Bleading" sounds kind of gruesome but sure fits) I found some other great traditions. One was a "Jesse Tree" which I have always been intrigued by but they looked like so much work. This one looked more doable and so meaningful.

The other idea was an envelope for each day of December hung like a garland and inside each envelope is an idea of how the family will spend some time together. I'm thinking I should do that for a year of Sundays instead of December since December is so hectic with school concerts, games, Christmas parties, etc. Or start it on the first day of Christmas break.

I also loved the idea of wrapping all the Christmas story books and having them in a basket and unwrapping one each day of December to read.

What a blessing to have a 2 year old who gives us the excuse to create some new traditions like these. Now all I have to do is remember them for the next 300 days!

The Sadness and Humor Paradox

I recently attended the funeral of my friend's 43 year old brother who died of ALS. He was diagnosed only six months ago. Normal prognosis for ALS is 3 to 10 years so this was a particularly agressive form. He left behind his wife and three beautiful daughters.

There were many wonderful moments at Kirk’s funeral but these two will stick with me a long time.

His brother Kasey told this story:
His wife, Angie was evidently quite distraught one evening before he died and crying, saying she did not know how she would make it without him. She depended on him for everything. Kirk’s response was: "Angie, I don’t want you to grieve forever. I know you will have to sometimes. But when you do, please picture me holding your face gently in my hands, looking deep into your eyes, and saying to you, ‘Get over it!’”

Another story Kasey told:
Kirk’s mom was telling Kirk that she knew he would be so much better in heaven and would not miss them at all but how much they would miss him and it would be so hard to go on living without him. He replied, “I can understand that. I wouldn’t want to live without me either. I’m glad I won’t have to.”

What a gift, that in the midst of such suffering and pain, to have a sense of humor so developed that it can’t help but continue to come out. What a trust one must have in Jesus to allow it to. May we all find much humor in 2008!

Three weeks before he died, Kirk and his wife, Angie, spoke to their church in Olathe. It is recorded and posted at the church's web site. It is powerful.