When you are the mother of four boys there are certain things you grieve because you know you will likely never experience them. You may never have those long conversations on the phone when they are adults just cuz. You will never shop as many stores as it takes looking for the perfect pair of shoes or pants. (The first store that has anything that fits is good enough.) You will never enjoy a chick flick together. You will never plan a wedding or shop for a wedding dress. You know that someday your primary role will be that of the mother-in-law and hopefully grandma.
I heard Annie Chapman talking on the radio about a new book she has written called, "The Mother-in-Law Dance." She commented that her daughter helped her in her research and noticed a trend in the data. Mothers seemed to have a much easier time in letting go of their daughters than their sons. She asked her mother why that was. Annie replied. "That's easy. Mothers never really have to let go of their daughters but they must let go of their sons." I think the phrase, "If you love them, let them go. If they love you, they will return" was written for moms and sons.
Sunday afternoon I took Dean and three of his friends to the Guitar Store to pick up the bass guitar that Dean has been saving for and talking about for six months. He finally had enough money and his friends were as excited as he was. So the four 12-13 year olds and I headed off to Wichita and I'm thinking to myself, "This is the equivalent of the wedding dress shopping trip for moms with boys!" I imagined the four young men as the bride and bridesmaids and me the mother of the bride. I saw their eyes pop out at the hundreds of guitars and watched them lovingly try on one after the other and imagined sequened dresses and fine lace. I saw them deliberate with care over which guitar would be the one to accompany Dean into this new adventure. Red or blue (instead of white or off-white). Padded or leather strap (instead of strapless or with straps.) It really was very fun and heartwarming and they even expressed their appreciation multiple times for the trip and the fried chicken and ice cream that followed.
It was good to realize that my moments may not be the ones I automatically think of as a female, but they are still there if I will just remember to look for them.
3 comments:
I understand how you feel - only in reverse. I still remember when it dawned on me that I wouldn't have a child playing sports - I just never dreamed that would happen! But for the after-they-leave home relationship you can't beat daughters. Although what do I know, that's all I've known. But as your grandpa would say, that's my "unabiased" opinion.
I am reading a biography of three sisters who had eight sons and one daughter among them. The two sisters who tried most to make their sons dependent on them were the ones whose sons later had the least to do with them. So just keep doing what you're doing (and your sisters too, in case they read this!) and you're sons will remain attached to you.
Mom,
Are you sure? Because I totally picture having to shoo Conner out the door, so reluctant do I picture him wanting to go. Then again, just yesterday I was explaining to him the meaning of the movie title "The Bucket List", and I proposed to him that he make a "25 List" or something -- you know, things he'd like to do before he turns 25. You know what he said off the top of his head? "Go somewhere exotic, like Africa." Huh?? Where did that come from? my little wannabe Kansas boy? Go figure.
Cheri, and Carmen, I know of one girl's wedding that I am absolutely depending on you to help plan! (whenever that may be) I'm so glad that it's something that you really want to do!
Post a Comment